Pookie,

I remember when my mom passed away 4 years ago at about the same time as your dad. I also remember the close to 100 doctor visits she made over a period of almost a year as she gained almost 60 lbs and went from a size 4 to a size 16. The doctors kept telling her "at least you don't have cancer". As it turned out, she had over 40 lbs of tumors removed twice and lived about 19 months after diagnosis although she withered away to about 50 lbs by the end.

My point in all this is that four years later I have thought of almost a million "what if" scenarios but deep down I just know it was really her time to go. I surely feel your pain and remember some of those feelings in me, too. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make it better for you but I can't. From the love I see you had for your dad, I know he felt it, too. He was very fortunate to have you and I am sorry you had to see him lose his battle with this horrible.

I still hope you can have the best Christmas possible under the circumstances.

Ed

SCC Stage IV, BOT, T2N2bM0
Cisplatin/5FU x 3, 40 days radiation
Diagnosis 07/21/03 tx completed 10/08/03
Post Radiation Lower Motor Neuron Syndrome 3/08.
Cervical Spinal Stenosis 01/11
Cervical Myelitis 09/12
Thoracic Paraplegia 10/12
Dysautonomia 11/12
Hospice care 09/12-01/13.
COPD 01/14
Intermittent CHF 6/15
Feeding tube NPO 03/16
VFI 12/2016
ORN 12/2017
Cardiac Event 06/2018
Bilateral VFI 01/2021
Thoracotomy Bilobectomy 01/2022
Bilateral VFI 05/2022
Total Laryngectomy 01/2023