Francesca,
Wow...you opened a big box of help, didn't you?
I cried yesterday because Tom was being so "mean" to me - - all because I "made" him go for his chemo treatment. I got the silent treatment for the long drive, and then glares and terse answers/comments when we got into the hospital. I'm pretty sensitive, I know, but I was embarrassed and hurt. He softened up later in the day (great nurses helped).
I know he loves me - I know he is angry at not being in control of things - I know he hates being sick and unable to do all that he's used to doing. I am trying hard to gently encourage him to get into the office, etc., but I think he is a bit shy about letting everyone see him looking poorly. Honestly, he does NOT look like my Thomas....much too gaunt and his complexion has gone sallow. Sigh........it is really hard for me to see, so I know others would be upset as well.
When there are things from this site that I want Tom to see, I print them off and put them where he'll see them (even if he waits until I'm not around.) He ALWAYS comes back later with something that makes me know he read them smile
He really loves that I am taking care of him through the help I find here - and he asks about certain people from time to time. I know he'll want to go to the next reunion! smile
Hope you are able to find a way to communicate - even if it is through a counselor at first. 23 years is too much valuable time together to allow it all to succumb to this disease.
All the best
Nicki

Nicki, wife of Thomas
dx July 2004, SCC, Stage 4 Tonsil. Tx begun 8/4/04. Cisplatin/Xeloda x 4; IMRT 7 wks, 8/7 - 10/25/04 Modified Radical Dissection (right), Selective Dissection (Left) 12/10/04.