Hello Francesca

It can be hard to accept this disease and the effects of the treatment. Often this fear shows as anger with the disease, anger with ourselves for getting it and anger towards anyone else within radius. Unfortunately you are directly in the firing line being your husband's carer as well as his closest friend.

When I became very edgy after my treatment was over my GP suggested anti-depressants (very gently!) and I have found them to be a godsend. I also am rather independent, no feeding tube for me either, however I am pleased I took the happy pills because I believe they helped my general health. Our body can't recover while it is tensed up and anxious. I was also annoyed that I couldn't eat foods I had previously enjoyed etc, etc, etc.

Take heart that you are not the target of your husband's dark mood. In fact you are probably the last person he would want to hurt - he is aware of what you have been through also. Possibly he is frightened he'll lose you.

I would suggest a visit to the doctor to discuss what could be improved for him and for you. You have also been on the journey and also deserve care. There are so many issues around this life-changing disease.

You are in my thoughts, your husband is so fortunate to have such a caring wife. Love and light from Helen