Hi all,

First, my heart goes out to all of you.

My brother is 60 and he just told me that he was diagnosed stage 2 six months ago after a biopsy by an oral surgeon. He decided to take alternative medicine routes as he would allow himself to face any pain and suffering from surgery, chemo or radiation. He tried acupuncture, diet and meditation. He also told nobody but his wife. Two weeks ago, his wife called me to tell me that he had the cancer, that it it had grown significantly (from 2.5sm when diagnosed to now where he says it i son the floor of his mouth running back past his molars). He is having trouble eating and talking and is living in constant pain. He also still refuses to take any treatments. He is prepared to die but wants palliative - whihc in his mind must be non-invasive.

I have spent the past week with him (he lives across the country from me). He looks ok - he has lost a lot of weight, but he has been on a liquid diet for some time, so I dont know why. He is able to go out and do things. Starting a little exercise.

But he is in contant pain - despite percocets and MS Contin given to him by a Doctor friend of a friend. He is also remarkably depressed.

He has no insurance, and we can't get him into the system for care. Everybody wants him to start with an general practitioner who will make appropriate referrals. But without insurance (even if I cash pay), nobody wants to touch his case. So I can't even get him pain meds.

I got him in to see the head and neck folks at Dana-Farber - a 2.5 hour drive from his home. I will drive him, but he will need to keep going back as they will not even be able to runs tests during his first appointment. He thinks I am just wasting his time - "it is too big, it must have spread, i am not having surgery or chemo or radiation, so why go through this".

I respect his right to decide not to seek a cure. But from what I am told by my personal doctors, the complications and possible ways that he would eventually die of this are not necessarily treated with something as simple as pain medications.

I hate to ask this but has anyone been through something like this, where they didn't seek a cure but rather just sought palliative care? Does anyone have any advice or knowledge about how this disease might progress without treatment? Everything I read is about this involved results after major interventions.

I am so sorry if I am disturbing those of you fighting the brave fight. SO if you like, private message me.

Thank

AW