I'm so glad you have discovered this site and so sorry you are suffering so.
You are fighting a battle each and everyday and like all warriors, we may feel the fight is useless. It's tough but you aren't alone, there are people here who have endured and felt similarly to you and have come out on the other side. Please, please, please, don't give up...hang in there...one minute, one hour, one day at a time. We're here for you.