Christine - I am so, so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Holidays and special anniversaries plus all the other things that can trigger the sad moments are so difficult to get through. It takes time and time is different for each of us. I can see by your post that you are still the same giving person that you were through all of your caregiving with Matt. Thinking of your 14 year old and shopping for gifts for him will help soften the sadness of the holidays for both of you. Maybe you will be able to help each other think of some of the happier times when Matt shared his life with you. I hope so.