Wonderful summary Stacey and well summarised in your signature line. I really did want to make sure that there weren't missing bits though as your husbands situation and treatment is not quite the norm.

The "disappearing primary" is not unusual as David says but they can predict where it was by tracking where the metastases showed up in the lymph node as Paul says.

The loss of 7 pounds doesn't sound awful but I don't know how tall he is and what his ideal weight should be. But, he still has a way to go. Maybe ask the MO why a feeding tube is not an option at the next appointment?

It also sounds like your husband (and maybe the ENT as well) was either completely unaware of how serious his situation was when he underwent surgery OR he is trying to protect you? What do you think?

Anyway, you still have issues with his nutrition and hydration as well as nausea. If your MO, RO or ENT won't help - is there a nurse or even your primary physician you can appeal to? This really needs to be sorted. He will feel better for it. Alex spent 50/90 days in hospital during induction chemo(the plan was 3). There were other issues (his lung collapsed due to chemo) but he just couldn't get on top of them with malnutrition and de-hydration adding to his woes. Alex is 6'1" and dropped to 105 lbs. The minute (like within 3 days) he got sorted with his diet and fluids, things improved dramatically. They attached his PEG to an overnight pump which he used for the next 12 months.

Alex maintains that chemoradiation was a doddle compared to chemotherapy. I think he had chemobrain . But seriously, he was in better shape compared with the chemo phase and we both had more realistic expectations for chemoradiation so it wasn't quite the shock. The big difference in my opinion was his nutrition and hydration status which was maintained all the way through radiation with minimal weight loss, thanks to the pump.

Doctors are there to help you and answer your questions. And remember that they see so many reactions from patients and their carers that they may be waiting for you to ask the questions rather than potentially telling you something you can't cope with. Remember too, that men are generally crap at dealing with tears. I handled my MD at work by telling him right up front that the news for Alex was bad and that if I started to cry during the explanation, just ignore any tears and ask all the questions he needed to. I also asked him to relay the same message to my other colleagues which meant that those who could support, did, and those who couldn't, had the opportunity to run the other way.