Leena,

What you are going through is exactly the same as what I went through and others here. It is like a roller coaster with many ups and downs. It starts out as the ride of your life and soon will become just another ride! I seem to go for longer periods of not worrying about it and then just when you feel like it is truly in the past...another visit to the the doctor or test. I just decided to enjoy every day and try my best to not waste one that I may never get back.

For example, we spent days repairing the back fence that appears to have been torn down from the neighbors backing their trailer into it. Then a storm came through last Saturday and blew two more sections down, snapping the posts. We just got that fixed. The front door started rotting through the bottom and we have a new door waiting for us to paint and put up. We caught up on half of the weeding of the flower beds from neglect last year during treatment. The yard is finally presentable from last year. Our air conditioner broke and we managed to keep the inside temp under 90 waiting for parts. I just love it...life at it's best eek . Forgot to mention health insurance coverage dropped three times so far this year, employer going out of business while I was on short term disability, air conditioner in the car going out, oldest son tore down the bathroom door getting to his brother, the new car we bought with the concealed ($7,000+) damage, the car wreck I was in...

The list goes on and on and on...but I love having a list of LIFE issues!

Ed

SCC Stage IV, BOT, T2N2bM0
Cisplatin/5FU x 3, 40 days radiation
Diagnosis 07/21/03 tx completed 10/08/03
Post Radiation Lower Motor Neuron Syndrome 3/08.
Cervical Spinal Stenosis 01/11
Cervical Myelitis 09/12
Thoracic Paraplegia 10/12
Dysautonomia 11/12
Hospice care 09/12-01/13.
COPD 01/14
Intermittent CHF 6/15
Feeding tube NPO 03/16
VFI 12/2016
ORN 12/2017
Cardiac Event 06/2018
Bilateral VFI 01/2021
Thoracotomy Bilobectomy 01/2022
Bilateral VFI 05/2022
Total Laryngectomy 01/2023