Welcome to OCF! So sorry to hear about your mother and her recurrence. There are a few of us here who have had similar surgeries. I know its not easy but it can be done.

The very best advice I can give you is to get her to a large cancer center. There they have a team based approach and they are most familiar with treating oral cancer. This is especially important in hard cases like this where it comes back so quickly.

The doctors are being honest with telling you all the things your mother will suffer thru if nothing is done. I know these surgeries arent easy at all. I had half of my lower jaw removed and had some complications. My recovery took a full year but I am still here over 3 years later living a good life even though I deal with some daily struggles. I almost didnt have the surgery but it finally sunk in that I couldnt quit before I even tried. Im living proof of what can be overcome when put to the test.

Wishing your mother all the very best with this and I wish you the peace to know you have made the right choices. Once you make them try not to second guess yourself. It doesnt change anything but will make you upset and worry.