I met with three different groups - Dana Farber, Mass Eye & Ear / Mass General, and South Shore Hopsital. At the first two, you are presented to a roomful of doctors, med students, fellows, etc. They each participate in the examination of you, and go into a conference room to review your historty (MRI, CT, bloodwork, etc.). They then present you with all the arguments. All three places recommended radiation (MEE just wanted radiation). Dana also wanted me to do chemo, bracheytherapy, and possibly neck dissection (depending on my CT). I opted out of chemo, and they didn't feel a neck dissection was necessary. I should note that each place said the biggest argument was how to handle my neck.
A Stage II tumor, placed in the mid-portion of your tongue, apparently has a (apx) 20-40% chance of having spread to your neck. The further forward the tumor, the chances go down, and visa versa.
Therefore, while they're sure they removed all the cancer in the tongue, they are being "extra careful". I am receiving radiation to the neck and both sides of the jaw in addition to bracheytherapy. My tumor turned out abnormal as it mixed together with normal tissue.
I could have had just radiation or just surgery. Once I made the decision, I had to accept the consequences. No matter how much you want to turn back time, you should not look back on your decisions. There's simply no way of knowing the perfect answer for any situation. Even with the decisions you and Marcy made, it's quite possible the choices would still have intersected down the line.
The "what if's" will make anyone go mad. It such a cliche now, but I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. You may not see it now, or ever, but something positive comes out of every negative. You're here now speaking for Marcy, and many people have undoubtedly pulled from the strength both of you exhibited through everything. And I'm positive there's even more goodness that you've both given.
Sabrina