Dear Nicki,
I'm truly sorry for the loss of your father. One thing for sure is that he knew how much you loved him through your care and devotion. Sometimes, something as simple as a good back-scratching can provide so much physical and emotional comfort.
It's hard to accept not being able to say good bye. I know how you feel on that one. His suffering has ended and he is in pain no more.
Grief is a process that none of us likes to face and it always takes longer than we would like it to. I wish for you and your family moments of peace, joy, and comfort during this time in your lives. It takes a while, but it does get easier...sometimes two steps forward, one step back...but that's okay. As you said, may you find comfort in coming back to these forums. Please feel free to lean on us and help others when you feel you are ready.
With much love and care,
Kerri