hello,

i became a part of this website a couple of years ago, and i will say that i really have met amazing people and gained so much knowledge and support..

my dad lost his battle to this horrific disease on july 19,2012.. the last time i seen him was on father's day, july 17, he was in so much pain.. he was just out of his mind with the disease and the medications.. he just would not let go..
i told him happy father's day and he just put his hand up, like wow today is father's day.. he asked me to scratch his back.. i did and told him i would be back later with the girls, his grandaughters.. needless to say we did return later that day.. monday my mom said he was up walking around, not knowing what he was doing.. she called the hospice nurse and she came out at midnight, now my father was just put on hospice the day before father's day.. mom gave him something to relax him monday night.. she checked on him tuesday, the 19th, he was warm and breathing.. around 11 a.m., nurse came back out, checked on him, walked out of room and told my mom he was gone!!
mixed feelings? absolutely! no more suffering but wow this has been a hard 3 weeks.. his last dose of Erbitux was may 30.. i miss him so much.. i am not only having trouble with the loss, but with the fact that he suffered and fought so hard..
i feel that he was forced to let go.. he finally relaxed enough where he could let go.. i didnt get to say bye.. i was very close to him.. took him to all his treatments.. those were our days together.. not much but i was happy to be there with him..
Cancer is horrible, ORAL CANCER! ugh unreal!
thank you all for your support and creating this site.. i will be on often.. i think this will help..

sorry for babbling..

much love
nicki