Hi Wendy,
We really do get it. Kevin struggles with depression too and some days are harder than others. I have a TON of anxiety, again some days are better than others (I take Xanax when I need to). I have found myself trying to remember what Christine says about feeling this way, acknowledging it, give it a few minutes each day and then trying to move on through the day. Please know the thoughts you have are real and you are not alone. Reach out to us, but please seek out someone you can confide in on the bad days. I have another caregiver on here that has become a great friend because we vent to each other when we need to. We had to start a new topic on messages today because we reached 100 posts on the current one. Without OCF we would not have each other and we would be alone with our fears,joys and anger, etc.
You have been hit hard and have every right to feel the way you do. We have been hit hard the last few years too. Our daughter had a stroke 4 years ago at the age of 24. It was a shock and she was in Alaska and we were in NY. Gut wrenching and still is very hard, but we try to trust God and move on. We adopted our 3 children, then a year later Kevin was dx. In between all this my 86 year old mom moved in with us and took a few good falls and has been hospitalized twice because of a platelet count of 2000. Normal is 150,000. All very scary and a cause of my anxiety I'm sure. Then I had HPV 16 in 2 abnormal paps so have just had a hysterectomy! Life goes on though. Give yourself a few minutes each day to be pissed as hell and scream, yell, kick and cry and then try to take it one step at a time.
Sorry to go on. We're here for you.
Blessings,
Kathy
PS...If you have the current CURE we are the honking picture in there discussing HPC OC!! Along with another OCF member.