Needless to say, this has been the hardest experience of my life. Having lost my little sister, my dad and my brother-in-law to cancer in the 3 yrs prior to my dx, I was more ANGRY than scared. Plus, having been on the other side of cancer, my concern for my family was traumatizing to me. Rather than be worried about MY fight, I was broken-hearted for my family - that we ALL had to even hear the word cancer again - so soon. Plus, at dx I had my first grandchild due any day and one daughter's wedding that summer. The thought that I might not be at my daughter's side in the delivery room, and might not be well enough to attend the wedding, was worse for me than the cancer ahead. I was VERY angry at cancer.
And now, even though tx is behind me, and I am cancer-free, I am still so mad at what cancer has left me with. Which, in turn, makes me angry at myself for feeling so ungrateful for this second chance I've been given. I'm suffering severe depression and hate to admit how many times the thought of not wanting to go on has crossed my mind. I have soooo many blessings in my life, but am so unhappy.
I'm sure you're all aware of how hard it is to find resources on OC. I feel like God plopped my recent copy of "CURE", which led me to this support group, into my hands right when I needed it.
It helps to read your stories and know that the things I'm experiencing are not because I'm weak and just not doing enough to get well.
I'm most interested right now to hear about others' issues with depression and how you dealt with it.
Thanks everyone. And did I say how over-joyed I am to have found you all??