Thank's guys! I really do appreciate everything, I went to the hospital yesterday as the squeeky wheel with no appointment because through the county is impossible to get one any other way. I went by myself ( mistake ) I am alot more emotional and mean without my mama there, and I broke down outside the office after the biopsy, got so mad I told them f*%k their prescription! I will get better sh*t! All of this was totally out of character for me, and I barely made it to the car which is where I sat for an extended conversation with my mom. As I told her " Mom, all I am trying to do is move further away, play music which I put off for so many years for my habits, and see my nephew grow up. " She cried, I cried, because it was literally this time last year I was being scheduled for surgery.

We had a huge festival to play this saturday evening, and on top of all this I got a message saying it was postponed til a later date, even bigger bummer. Like I told my councelor, music is my greatest escape as is my nephews " grown man " syndrome, lol, he's 4. All those feelings came back, and I was just so damn depressed that my new life was about to be taken away, a new life I have worked hard for, one which I dont care what others think about me anymore or let people who used to intimidate me turn into puppies. Fact of the matter is, I went in thinking they would say the same ol' thing " Oh Nathan, we love ya, but you gotta go, we need to see sick people. "

He looked at the cut, messed with it and said ok Nathan...The only way we can tell is by CT scan which you had 5 weeks ago, so that is out or a biopsy. He saw my face drop, then said don't you get down on me now, it is the only way and I want to help you sleep better at night. All that ran through my mind was what the oral surgeon said last year " Oh wow, this is nothing, it doesnt bleed nor look like cancer, youll be fine. " Well we all know the results of that one.

I took the day off from work, borrowing my brothers computer, so I will be in and out. No way I could face my Hitler boss today with my mindset, I would punch him in his face. Thank's again everyone, Anne, Julie, Beth, Eric, Christine....You are all the councelors I need, at least I wont argue with you guys. I argue with therapists and councelors, maybe you guys wont want to meet me one day. LOL, I am the most stubborn hard headed ass in the southern region possibly.

P.S.- Not two weeks ago a friend of mine way way up North requested my band's music for a documentary called The Dragonfly. Please like " The Dragonfly " on facebook, it is going to be a wonderful film about cancer survivors and people going through it. Please just hit the silly like button, the film maker is a cancer survivor as well.

Love you Guys/and Ladies
Nathan