Marianne,
You, like all of us, are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know looming surgery is a huge black cloud right now eclipsing your vision of the future, but continue to post with your concerns and others that have gone through similar -usually MUCH MORE- will respond and give you hope and help you find your innate inner strength. It's amazing to me how some of these incredible folks can go through so much and still have such a positive attitude and are GETTING THROUGH IT! not only that-but THRIVING. Please don't 'shut down' but look at your options-get another opinion, ask the docs (and these folks) about specifics and how to deal with all the poop coming your way in the most positive way possible.
I'm praying for you and I know you'll find the right course.
gordon