Thanks guys, last night was better. I have gone to therapy and I know it is helpful. Today is better I think it is a combination of the anniversary coming up and the stress here at work. But if it represents I will go see someone. It helps to know that I am not the only one who has issues after the treatment.
As to bonding I don't know the name either but it seems when you are involved in groups that have a life death component there is a bonding that takes place. It happened when I was scuba diving. It also has happened with the rescue group. I guess becasue we were forced to literally make life and death decisions almost daily. All Be it for Schnauzers not people but I am convinced my heart doesn't seem to know the difference.