I had sent this to a friend who encouraged me to post it on the General Board. I HESITATE to as I fear that the fact that I am still a basket case after almost seven years post first dx is beneath what I expect of myself, and I fear that I will frighten newer members. But, as mentioned - perhaps they need to know that 1) You CAN STILL BE HERE after 7 years and that 2) Survival and continual worry is part of the deal....

The essence of my message was: Well, I am again a basket case. I'm busy planning my last days on earth because I found a lump on my neck - right side. Wierd hard little lump. That, combined with the various issues I have had in my mouth in the last two months have me in full blown "catastrophic thinking". And, yes I know its not cancer till they say it is, etc, etc........and all the other platitudes we use to help other people, my gut is still clenched, my breathing is shallow and fear reigns supreme.

Amazing eh? 7 years of this SHIT. 7 years of fear. And the truly sad thing is I am just as afraid now as I was 7 years ago. I know I should be grateful but right now I'm not grateful for a damned thing.......I'm frightened and grumpy. My family and friends are so done with talking about all these recurrant fears and episodes.

I have called my surgeon CT Monday night, see surgeon on Weds so will have a better idea of what is going on then. I pray for nothing, pray I am a whiny wench for nothing......but somehow I try to prepare myself for the worst. Does that make me a pessimist??

I will keep you all UTD

Donna