A lot has happened in the last year. David and I were married 12 years and I truly thought we would be together until death seperated us momentarily until once again reunited in heaven. Things just didn't work out that way...our marriage ended in divorce. He changed so much after the diagnosis. It seemed I became the outlet for his frustration and anger... he became so very bitter and violent. I was left with little option but to leave.

Its been a very difficult fourteen months but we have learned to smile again...slowly but surely the kids have been adjusting. David has a girlfriend now and seems to be doing somewhat better. She's lost custody of her three children because of a drug addiction and I think David is finding some purpose and fulfillment helping her stay on the straight and narrow in hopes of regaining custody.

David has not been back to the doctor since quitting radiation treatment and the one last visit to the ENT I took him to before me and the kids left. He said he just doesn't want to know anymore... of course I will always love him and pray that he finds joy, peace, and happiness in life. However long it will be. My biggest lesson in all of this has been realizing that I don't have to take the lashing... its not my fault...and just because I want him to fight with all of his might with every medical resource at our disposal does not mean that's what will happen. He is content not knowing. And even though it frustrates me that he would rather live in denial, I have to let go and let him live his life.