Thanks Christine for your reply!

I too agree not being honest about the illness is not helping her - believe me! I will answer your questions above best as possible.


How do you know by looking in your mother in law's mouth that she has cancer?
I saw her end of October and she can't really open her mouth too much because her tongue is so swollen and the smell is bad. She couldn't eat much at that point and I saw the side of her tongue was white with red. She was showing me when we got interupted, which shocked me. She had a biopsy in June (I think that was the month) and results were pending end of June. She finally told us her tongue cancer came back. She told us in August and stopped treatment in Sept/Oct from what SIL said. She confirmed her Mom had tongue cancer.

Why do you think that there has been a spread to her lymph nodes?
Her daughter said she thought it spread. The MIL/SIL NEVER claim anything like that, they don't even like to mention the word CANCER, afraid it might make them worse - negative thinking to them, even though your inquiring. I just hope SIL is wrong.

Has she been hospitalized?
She was just hospitalized because she almost bled to death. She lost about 8/9 pints of blood, leaving her with 4 pints (you have 12-13 pints). She had a transfusion with 4 bags of blood over 8 hours and it may have saved her life. Proabably from loss of blood she became swollen so badly. Still in the hospital 4/5 days later.

What are the tests that you are waiting for results on?
She is having some labs and probably a scan to see if the cancer spread, not sure how long it takes in a hospital setting. Not sure on all of her testing as she is so secretive about anything these days. I am sure the fear is setting in, although she let me tell the nurse not to let a PA in her room because she wasn't comfy, so she trusted me. She knows I will protect her.

Has she had a biopsy?
I am guess since my SIL said it was cancer of her tongue, and she didn't know the stage or grade of it or maybe she didn't want to say, not sure, some people tune that stuff out when they hear cancer. She had surgery to remove the tumor on her tongue 4 say years ago (give or take) and no chemo was needed. She was in remission until a few months ago. This is her 2nd round of treatment, well she quit it 2 months or so ago since it was more than she can handle. I would suspect cancer in this case if left untreated could spead quickly, not sure.

Does she have a feeding tube? No
Is she being treated at a cancer center?
They just found one for her however she was put in the hospital on Christmas due to the blood loss. I am not sure on options at this point. I hope this is not the end for her and hope for an option. I told my SIL let's take her to the cancer center together I can help her and she never got back to me, so stubborn I tell you!

Do you know for certain if she has had radiation already?
Yes she had it and it nearly killed her. She did it a dozen times of so at a holistic place along wtith some other treatment (hydrotherapy possibly). She would have treatment and then come home and be sick and sleep for a few days. She said she only felt better on the 3/4th day after treatment and told her MD she didn't want it anymore, it was too much for her to handle.

I am a cancer advocate and a strong voice to get her help. Her son *my spouse* will not ask questions about it (because he doesn't want to make Mom mad) and his sister is nearly the same way - quiet and MIL can't hardly speak, she writes everything down. It just makes me mad she is stubborn over any kind of treatment at this point, so maybe she knows something more than we do. I inquire because I care too damn much. I do appreciate your input too!

My Dad died in 94 of liver cancer and MIL has that same look as my father, sick, pale and skinny (def not feeling strong) and weak. I just hope in the time she may have left she doesn't suffer because it's horrible. I speak up for anyone who needs the help, voice or friend, that's just in my blood.