Hi Everyone, I was just reading the posts from the new normal.......I like many other caregivers feel your pain. The subject is "will things ever be normal again".... There are many degrees of "normal". So my answer is NO!!
I have been through it all. First diagnosis in 2001 with recurrences every 2 years (major reconstruction each time, etc...too much to state. BUT my husband and I are still pushing forward!!!! This is the most stressful thing anyone can go through. This cancer even lead us down the divorce isle because I was told by him "this has not affected your life at all, nothing has changed for you.....and with that came the resentment towards me and the kids, I don't think I need to explain this either... OK my point is and this is directed at BOTH victims. SUPPORT EACH OTHER!!!!! It sucks!! I can't say that enough!! Basically what happened between my husband and I was�......I always supported him. Made sure we went on vacations to accommodate him, a kitchen so i could cook meals and puree them, called restaurants in advanced and requested puree meals, same when we went on a cruise and Hawaii BUT this cancer has not affected me!!!! So he contently criticized me, pointed out things i did wrong, told me i was doing everything wrong, for the last 3 years I moved my daughter in and out of college, went to family weekend because he wouldn't go, basically I was the emotional support for my children. He had CANCER and nothing else was important but him. I stuck with it for 8 years, had a nervous breakdown and filed for divorce. Well then he was diagnosed as "inoperable", I told him that I would continue to help him with anything he needed, of course I would. Well something opened his eyes... He actually wrote on a piece of paper "I am sorry for taking you for granted and the great care you give me". Simple words sometimes makes a difference!! I stuck with him even though I was treated like a door mat. Whatever side of cancer you are on you should be nice!! I know it is hard and sometimes it is smiling with gritted teeth, believe me, I don�t think I have back teeth anymore either!!! I have been there, done that, wish to god that NOBODY ever has to go through this but most of all�. I pray every day for those of us like myself and you guys that do have to cope with this!!!
I have found that the holiday season is the hardest for me. Like CMMoore wrote about forgetting or just plain out ignoring her birthday, I feel alone. I am the lonely, miserable person with the big smile on my face. I find if I am down I try to take a deep breath and thank god that I am alive and able to greet and love the people in my life. I am truly trying to be thankful this season. I hope everyone out there has a very peaceful holiday season!!
Love and strength to you ALL!!!
Liz