Hi Everyone, I was just reading the posts from the new normal.......I like many other caregivers feel your pain. The subject is "will things ever be normal again".... There are many degrees of "normal". So my answer is NO!!
I have been through it all. First diagnosis in 2001 with recurrences every 2 years (major reconstruction each time, etc...too much to state. BUT my husband and I are still pushing forward!!!! This is the most stressful thing anyone can go through. This cancer even lead us down the divorce isle because I was told by him "this has not affected your life at all, nothing has changed for you.....and with that came the resentment towards me and the kids, I don't think I need to explain this either... OK my point is and this is directed at BOTH victims. SUPPORT EACH OTHER!!!!! It sucks!! I can't say that enough!! Basically what happened between my husband and I was�......I always supported him. Made sure we went on vacations to accommodate him, a kitchen so i could cook meals and puree them, called restaurants in advanced and requested puree meals, same when we went on a cruise and Hawaii BUT this cancer has not affected me!!!! So he contently criticized me, pointed out things i did wrong, told me i was doing everything wrong, for the last 3 years I moved my daughter in and out of college, went to family weekend because he wouldn't go, basically I was the emotional support for my children. He had CANCER and nothing else was important but him. I stuck with it for 8 years, had a nervous breakdown and filed for divorce. Well then he was diagnosed as "inoperable", I told him that I would continue to help him with anything he needed, of course I would. Well something opened his eyes... He actually wrote on a piece of paper "I am sorry for taking you for granted and the great care you give me". Simple words sometimes makes a difference!! I stuck with him even though I was treated like a door mat. Whatever side of cancer you are on you should be nice!! I know it is hard and sometimes it is smiling with gritted teeth, believe me, I don�t think I have back teeth anymore either!!! I have been there, done that, wish to god that NOBODY ever has to go through this but most of all�. I pray every day for those of us like myself and you guys that do have to cope with this!!!
I have found that the holiday season is the hardest for me. Like CMMoore wrote about forgetting or just plain out ignoring her birthday, I feel alone. I am the lonely, miserable person with the big smile on my face. I find if I am down I try to take a deep breath and thank god that I am alive and able to greet and love the people in my life. I am truly trying to be thankful this season. I hope everyone out there has a very peaceful holiday season!!
Love and strength to you ALL!!!
Liz

WOW Liz!!! Thanks for the post!! Such an eye opener for me. You are an amazing person to go through what you have. I'm sitting here complaing about "dealing" with my sisters attitude and cancer being diagnosed once..I should be counting my lucky stars that I have this time..You truly are an inspiration on how unselfish you have been through all this..My prayers are with you and your husband. I guess sometimes you have to vent to get a response from someone like you. Thanks so much. I just wish my sister would speak to me again after the fight we have had a week ago.. In due time I guess.

Double Wow, Liz!! Every caregiver should have that "little piece of paper". And Susan - I do hope things get better for your sister and you. I'm sure she realizes what a special sister she has in you, but may not be able to express it right now. I am just so grateful for all the caregivers and the many survivors who were there to support me when my son and I were in our darkest days and guided us to our new and better "normal"!

Thanks Susan and Anne-Marie. You have to vent. Keeping it in does nobody good. I hope you and your sister make up SOON. No time to waist!!

Thank you Liz, for this post. Your situation sounds so much like what I'm going through with my husband and it is so hard. It never fails--when I am in need of reassurance and a boost in morale I find what I need right here on OCF.

it's just not working for me...i tried, he isn't. i can't help him if he don't want to be helped is how i feel and i told him that yesterday. he don't care, i don't care either.

Well Suez..you do care but what can you do. I am so sorry and can feel your pain right thru the monitor. Just know that all of us care and we hope things get better.

Hugs, Deb

thanks Deb...i just don't like when everybody else says " go to aa" or tell him to quit or talk to the doc...can't do nothing if they don't want to be helped. guess his choice which in my mind just shows me where I stand in the relationship over his health and life...nowhere, cigarettes and alchohol rate higher I guess we will just see after the PET on Dec 16th what it shows. If he's clear, than I will bring down the hammer and let him know he's out of my house OR he starts to take care of himself.

A little bit of advice I got from a marriage seminar we attended in the spring....
Sometimes all you can do it pray. Then duck so the good Lord can slap him upside the head and set him straight. =)

OMG I really don't know how he is surviving! He usually is dressed all the time when I see him and he is very thin, but today I saw him without his shirt on.OMG he looks like an Ethopian...all you see is his rib cage...how can I get him put into the hospital? How can I get his docs to see him like this? His PET scan isn't until 12/16...he said yesterday he is gonna start trying to get more in him foodwise or boost or ensure wise...I don't believe him he needs put in the hospital and force fed until he gets his stomach back to be able to accept food...this has GOT to be putting a strain on his organs...