Boy, I can relate to this also. I think patients sometimes feel that they have NO control over what is being done to them. It is often a whirlwind of activity with doctors, nurses, drugs, treatments, be here, do that, don't do this. Understandably, it is overwhelming and confusing. You, as the wife and caregiver (a double whammy), are on the receiving end of his frustrating behavior. I agree that when you stand up for yourself, you establish ground rules. At one point, my husband became obstinate and very crabby when all I was trying to do was be of help. I told him his behavior was inappropriate and unacceptable. And then I gave myself a break and him some space. As he got healthier, he could do more for himself. I may have been hovering a little too much.

I know your situation is a little different, but it does sound like he wants desperately to maintain some independence. Clearly, he is not able to mow the lawn or drive alone. Can you both find other things he can do independently for himself or your family? Like make your coffee in the morning, get the mail from your mailbox, put the cereal box on the table before breakfast. It is hard for anyone to give up the role they had assumed their whole life.

Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself. And ditch the guilt...you have an enormous and difficult job as a caregiver. All my best to your and your family--

Anita