We just got home from what was supposed to be a vacation, touring New Mexico and Colorado in our Challenger. It was more torturous than if I had pulled my toenails off - I'm supposed to be happy and gleeful in trying to make memories. It started off great, enjoying the drive, scenery, talking and just enjoying each other; First night went great, 2nd day breathing problems set in. I did bring the breathing machine, thank God! As we drove thru Colorado, our cell phones didn't have much signal; spent most of the day pulling over and leaving cryptic voice messages for the Dr. Breathing continued to worsten - Jim got very nasty with me and told me to get the Dr. on the phone and send him to a pulmonary Dr. as she obviously wasn't taking care of the problem. After missed calls, finding Walgreens pharmacies from town to town to get more prednisone, antibiotics we finally reached a place where my call was answered. Only to hear from his nurse telling me how insane I was to take someone with his breathing problems to Colorado where the altitude was so high - that I had to get him home immediately. I told him about the conversation and he told me that he may die from cancer, but that he is in charge and will do whatever he wants - that he will not let cancer control him. I feel like a hamburger and I'm the meat - getting chewed on from all sides! I tried to get him to hold off on this trip that we could do it later, but NO, we had to do it now...I have spent 5 days driving 2,200 miles trying to have fun, but my memory is so tainted with his stubborness; turning into sadness and guilt - I am worn to a frazzle - called his mom Wednesday nite as I really thought we were headed for the hospital and that they may need to fly up there; Jim just kept sleeping and coughing and then telling me he was fine and that he just needed to rest. He wouldn't hear of stopping by a hospital (thank goodness for GPS systems, because I located every single one when we got to a hotel) he started coughing up blood Thursday nite into today - altitude or cancer? Who knows - I just know that I'm in way over my head and there seems to be no good ending to this. My eyes look like feedbags from crying so much and listening to his breathing.
Then having to pull myself together long enough to listen to him tell me about how he is feeling and give me the plan for what we were going to do each day.

I'm sure it's the altitude that is causing the bleeding and the increased problems with his breathing, but in the end, we made it home, the blood isn't bright red tonite anymore (hopefully it's clotting) and he just called for me "not stay in here too long, typing". Thanks for listening to me. Colorado and New Mexico are gorgeous, but if you plan on going make sure that you can handle altitude.

Paula