Beth

It is indeed daunting to hear that 50% figure from the doctors. I'm sorry your doctors appear to be simply parroting the Gov't oral cancer figures of 50%. My doctor's all stressed it's very individual. BTW, the statement that nothing can be done if the cancer comes back is much more of a candid self assessment by your doctors of their limited medical ability/ knowledge of oral cancer TX than reality. Just look at my signature line. In fact, all my doctors have agreed that if my cancer came back a third time, it would be "catastrophic" but they still have a TX plan instead of hospice.
As far as the future: you have one. When you have come through all this on the other side, you will see that. In the meantime, you don't have to deny you have cancer, but you don't have to become a victim to it either. REMEMBER you are still the same person you were before the Cancer.
Keep the faith
Charm