im sorry for the cruel staring, christine. they just dont know how inspirational you are!
i know my future FIL is very self conscious about his appearance currently and does not want visitors, i am sure he feels the same way you do and have for a while.
i did not realize it takes a whole year until reconstruction- is that typical? looking at the timeline in my signature, is that what you would predict as well?

*KATIE*
future FIL dx with s4 SCC in jaw11/09 15 hour surg/trach/PEG in. 7 weeks of cisplatin/rads. 6/10- cancerous lung nodule- 1 wk of radiation. 8/13 pneumonia. 8/24 pulmonary embolism, on ventillator. 9/3/10 died peacefully w/o pain with family. 9/17/10 my wedding