Hello everyone . . . I need somewhere to vent, this is really getting to me. I have just joined this site and introduced myself in the "Introduce Yourself" section of this forum. My name is Georgette and my husband is Michael.

Michael finished radiation three weeks ago and he is his own worst enemy. I know three weeks is not a long time, that probably new blisters are forming, he's still "cooking." I've been supportive, patient, loving, and I'm getting so fried. For part of Saturday he had been in a decent state of mind, but not any longer. Since last Saturday afternoon he has spent most of his time in bed. He's very depressed, basically saying he's not getting any better, that he's doing what they tell him to do, all to no avail, however, he is not. He takes his meds indiscriminately, does not follow directions, either takes too much or too little, will sit for an entire day with nausea and upset stomach, all of which we have lots of meds for and he'll say he didn't think to take the meds. He's being who he is, which at times is really a handful. Tomorrow I'll be home with him - his therapist is coming over and then we have an appointment at Sloan Kettering. I stayed home with him for a few weeks and I went back to work last Thursday. My job has been great, but I carry the benefits and in this economy no matter how nice and supportive they are to me, I do worry about my job.

Wish I had positive, upbeat news . . . not so for now. I'm finding it more and more difficult to come home and find him in bed - complaining. I love my quiet time in the morning before my day starts . . . I walk the dogs and water my flowers. I see a therapist every week, which has been a lifesaver and he doesn't sugar coat anything, yet he tells me that I am very strong and that I'm doing amazingly well under these extreme circumstances.
Thank you all for listening . . . aside from my therapist and sometimes my sister, I say none of this to anyone, not even my kids.
God bless you all and please send me some strength

Georgette