Hey there. I know it's kind of like a pile on situation. Right? One thing after another. And now with things getting BAD it's compounding the pain of the past few years (BTW - I think I told you this before - my mom died of lung cancer as well) Don't compare yourself to your mom. Seriously - two different cancers and frankly two radically different treatments.

My dad, and best friends father died last march - my dad was in the hospital/rehab for 8 months and I visited him daily and fed him and helped him it was a LONG HAUL. Two years after my own battle it was a time I value with him but it was NOT easy - particularly watching him give up and fade - he'd had a very debilitating stroke. I barely recovered from that and my father in law gets esophageal cancer and guess who did at least half of the driving, drs appointments and treatments with him...?

Life sometimes deals a shitty hand and you feel like you are the one standing in that hole and shoveling all the time. Talk. Really that's what I want to say. Children need to hear the truth. Sometimes not knowing is scarier than hearing the truth. With my kids I wasn't all doom and gloom but I never made any promises either. I told them straight up to prepare them - asked for some help when I needed it (but I was also very self directed in my own care) but mostly I just kept them informed and not in a negative way... basically I just told them this is what it is. You can't change it but how you deal with it makes a world of difference.
My husband was big on denial - still is - but I did force him to hear a few things I had to say about my health so that he too would be on board with what was going on.
One of the hardest things I had to do is watch a good friend die of a different kind of cancer literally a year and a half after I was finished treatment (we were being treated at the same time)
Life offers no guarantees so do the best you can to make each day worth it even if you feel like a thousand pounds of horse poop. SOON you will feel better. Just one foot in front of the other my dear - and don't think of it as 20% think of it as upping your survival rate from %60 (which is far too close to %50 for my liking) - to %80 which sounds MUCH BETTER. HUGS