Cheryl,

Wow, you have both been through the wringer and my heart goes out to you. Have you considered guilt? It may sound mean, but maybe your husband needs to hear your needs for a change.

My dad went through a very difficult kidney disease which saw him on dialysis for a year and a half. He lost 80 pounds within a few months and the dialysis took a huge toll on his strength and ability to function. My mom, of course did everything for him, and never uttered a word of complaint (I am halfway across the country). When she finally confessed her stress to me, I confronted my dad, and asked if he intended to make her his slave. He was shocked. He had been so wrapped up in his own misery he forgot that my mom was going through this with him.

Your husband sounds like a good man at heart who has simply forgotten. Remind him that you can make new memories, and ask him if he wants you to remember him (or see him) as a housebound invalid. Does how you see him matter? Does how you feel matter? It sounds harsh, but it may be the push he needs if he considers that any effort he makes is for you.

Keep coming, this is always a safe place.