Alpaca,
I am right there with ya! I try to be as positive as possible, but there are still lingering thoughts. Yes, my surgery was a year ago, and yes I survived 3 cancers in one year and the only way to tell are a few scars and slurred speech...but unless you have gone through it, you really dont know. I have worked all my life to build myself up to what I was before my surgery and in a matter of 15 hrs...I felt it was all stripped away from me. Dont get me wrong, Im very grateful to be here today, but it is hard and all the while, you have this nagging thought in the back of your mind that says "you know what statistics say". Most days I feel like I am on a tight rope...on one side is positive and the other is negative and I have wavering thoughts all day coming at me from both sides...but I continue to push the negative thoughts aside. That is all we can do. I think someone else had posted that we just have to keep pushing ahead and continuing to fight. I wish you the best of luck and just remember that in your mind you have to control the "cancer" (whether active or not) and not let it control you.
Stacy