Great idea Christine...
Wendy, does Steve know that you are on a forum requesting information on how to best deal with this awful disease?
If not I guess you will have to be selective about what you 'accidently' leave lying around.
Hope he soon sees the value in what needs to be done for his own wellbeing.

Time to switch into crafty nurse mode! Try saying something like "Do you want me to put the cream on your neck now, or do you want me to wait 15 minutes?" Rubbing the cream on is a good way to have a little physical contact and giving him the choice of when to do it gives him at least a little control over his seemingly out of control situation (besides, you know men don't know how to apply lotion properly!). Try the same with the mouthwash..."Time for mouthwash...which one do you want to try this time?" Eventually he'll comply just so he can get you to go away for a while so he can take a nap! Try hard to keep your sense of humor - it really does help!

thanks girls, great advise from all of you. We ended up having a talk this afternoon (i talked, he wrote) and have come up with an agreement. Today was a bad day because of chemo side effects so we are going to start tomorrow with everything although he did let me rub cream on him tonight and he did do at least one mouth wash. I think (hope) he's starting to realise the reasons behind my stress over this. It's broken my heart to watch him in pain so much so where ever we can minimise and have some control over any future pain, I'm all for doing whatever it takes. These creams and mouthwashes may not seem like much to him but in the end I know how important they are and what a difference they will make. Gabe, he knows I get on this forum and listens to the things I tell him. I don't tell him to much though when it comes to bad stuff as I think he has enough to deal with. Just try to stick to what we need to do and any positive outcomes so he knows it's possible to beat this disease. The things I'm learning from you guys are amazing and I tell Steve. When the doctor's then suggest the same thing Steve looks at me because I knew it already. Lucky for me I have you all.

Hi, Wendy
Just read all of your posts on this thread- sounds like you are gonna do just fine in the caregiver role [and it's a tough role to be sure]. My [very hard headed]husband's nickname for me during his illness was "Nurse from Hell". He kept a journal and drew funny cartoons of me with a chart or thermometer or can of 2CAL, or something else I was "torturing" him with. But he also drew lots of pictures with his arm around me or kissing me or just smiling at me. In my experience, your biggest role is to stay ahead [by reading everything you can on OCF] of the game during his rad and chemo so that you are not caught by surprise by any reactions he has. Remember - you need to stay one step ahead because it's not as scary that way. And NEVER be afraid to badger a nurse or a doctor if you feel that you or Steve are not getting what you need in terms of information or pain meds, etc.
You are on the right track. My Best to you both. Amy

Hi Wendy. My husband drove me crazy when he first started treatments. He is very independent and does not like to be taken care of. He also hates to take any kind of prescription drugs. So.....when he started chemo I told him to take the Compazine they gave him because the nausea would really kick in 24 hours after treatment. Of course he didn't listen to me and eventually the nausea was so bad that he was on Zofran and Compazine. He took the Zofran up to a month after treatments ended. He had the PEG put in and didn't use it the way he should have until he dropped around 20 lbs. He was supposed to be doing 5 cans a day and was lucky to get 3 in. He had cream to put on his neck, I had to bug him about using that.

I used to get so frustrated working two jobs outside the house and then being the food police, medication police etc. I would have days where I would just cry in my car driving to and from work. I never lost it around him but there were days when I would be so......frustrated with him not doing what he was supposed to do that I could have screamed. His response to me was always "I told you from the beginning, I am going to be a difficult patient". He was right. Hang in there!

Thanks everyone for all of your support. I love to read your experiences as it makes me realise other people have been through it as well. Also makes me realise I'm not alone in the frustration of being the food, medication, cream police as well. Gives me great hope we will get through this.

Wendy, its very difficult at times. This type of treatment can be downright awful sometimes, but it can be done. The patients who post here are living proof it is goign to be ok. Maybe not back to exactly how things were before but pretty darn close. Next year this time you will look back and remember these days and maybe even laugh about it.

I went thru some bad times and now my children and I can look back and tell jokes abotu how I acted while under anestesia. On the way home from one of my surgeries I made my son stop at several stores so I could go shopping. I bought a bunch of stuff and the next day I asked where it came from. All had to be returned, we didnt need any of it. I also stopped and picked up lots of food that I wasnt able to eat. Wow was it expensive for me to have that surgery!!!!

See, it can be funny. Maybe not now or even next month, but down the road when its all over you may be able to laugh at some moments you shared.

Christine you sound so much like me in the things that you did but don't remember them. A lot were scary and it's a wonder I never got injured or broke my foolish neck. I still have no memory of the 9 months to a year before those miserable implants. I have enjoyed reading all of the post in this one. Thanks all.

Wanda,
I can so relate to your story here. I had all the same issues that you had. He still doesn't want to do the peg tube like he is suppose so I started to put in 2 or 2 1/2 cans in a pitcher and did it that way. Told him I added water to it. My husband ended up loosing 30 pounds.
Pat

Dear Wendy,

I am new here. I see that you have taken up the job of a caregiver. I must say that's really nice of you, to share information with all of us.
The other day while doing a google search on cancer i came across a site called www.caring.com/cancer. This site provides reliable information to help all cancer patients. It helps to make better choices and find ways to cover the increasing cost of care. It�s worth checking out.