| | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 221 Gold Member (200+ posts) |  Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 221 | Tammy,
I'm not sure how old your children are, but my grandson was 3 when my dad passed away (he just turned 4 last week). We explained to him that his Papa was sick and he needed to be easy with him. Towards the end Jaden would ask when his Papa was going to get better. We told him that he wasn't going to get better but that he would be going to heaven and in heaven you are well again. Jaden doesn't understand the full concept that once you go there you don't come back. This past weekend Jaden saw a picture of Dad here and he picked it up, looked at it and said....I miss my Papa. When is he coming back? My explanations are simple. We took him to the funeral home. He did ask why Papa wouldn't open is eyes and why he wasn't talking. I guessed what amazed me the most is that my dad didn't look anything like himself but Jaden didn't seem to notice the physical difference and he still knew that was his Papa. But let me put a tiny bag of M&M's on the counter out of eyesight and he spots them right after he walks through the door.
I'm sure there are books out there that will give advice on how to explain these things to children. Maybe your pediatrician could recommend some. If your kids are school age, maybe the counsellor at school could help out? I'm sure at the very least they could point you to resources that would be available to you.
I beleive your kids will surprise you through all this and I believe you will find your stregnth in them. Hang in there and use this as a time to get closer to them. You all need each other right now. We are here for you too.
Joy
CG to Father, 75 yo with SCC of the mouth; upper maxillectomy and neck diss. performed on 5/23/07. Father also suffered heart attack during surgery and now has CHF. RT complete on 8/28/07. Cancer back 11/27/07. RT and Chemo to start on 12/17. Cancer back 6/17/08. Finally at rest 08/08/08.
| | | | | Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 18 Member | | Member
Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 18 | Ted Menten publishes a couple of good books for kids (and adults) that deal with death and dying. One that really helped me with my Dad's passing with melanoma was "Gentle Closings: How to Say Goodbye to Someone You Love". His other book " After Goodbye: How to Begin Again After the Death of Someone You Love" is a good one for... later. Check your inter-library loan for copies. Half.com has them for .75 used.
Elin, artist and Wife to Ron, neck lump 8/08
Ron, age 68, Dx 11/23/08, T2N2bMx BOT Stage IV, treatments begin January. cisplatin x 3 and rads 35x, one chemo down and rads x4 as of 1/20.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | If anyone is purchasing books, please access Amazon through the button on the main OCF page. It gives OCF a small donation when you purchase items this way, this is especially important this year with the troubled economy. Donations are what keeps OCF here to help and guide so many, please dont forget to use the Amazon.com link. http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/products/books.htm
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: May 2006 Posts: 720 Likes: 1 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: May 2006 Posts: 720 Likes: 1 | I have saved the page that comes up after clicking on the OCF/Amazon button as a favorite (bookmark, for Safari and Firefox users). That way I don't have to remember to come to OCF first when I make purchases from Amazon, and OCF gets the credit.
Leslie
April 2006: Husband dx by dentist with leukoplakia on tongue. Oral surgeon's biopsy 4/28/06: Moderate dysplasia; pathology report warned of possible "skip effect." ENT's excisional biopsy (got it all) 5/31/06: SCC in situ/small bit superficially invasive. Early detection saves lives.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | My mother was one that never had the chance to finish school. She raised 8 of us, 6 males and 2 fems. But she explained death to us and I think everyone of us remembered and passed it on to our kids and grandkids.What a smart lady she was. The whole neighborhood loved that lady. Don't know why , but I was her pick of the litter but she loved all 8.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
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