Hi all,
Recently I had the pleasure of meeting a youg lady, 8 years old, who asked me some questions about a classmate of hers. I answered her questions and at the time thought nothing of it. A few weeks later, I find that I have spent some time pondering her questions and my answers. I am posting this because I am impresed with the level of concern and knowledge of this child. I just want to hear from anyone who may have a thought on this.
The basics are;
Her classmate's mother has had surgery for cancer and from my understanding it was in her mouth. Her friend has been to visit her mother and says she cannot talk and that the doctors closed her mouth. (I assume this to mean she has had her jaws wired shut due to some bone surgery that was required due to the cancer.) She asked me if her friend's mother would be able to talk again and if not would the hospital teach her sign language. Not knowing the extent of the procedure or the diagnosis I told her that her friends mother would most likely be able to speak again but that it might take some time and that I was sure that the hospital would have someone to teach her sign language if she could not talk again.
That seemed to satisfy her.
Now, I am sure this is a devastating circumstance for this family but the view from childrens eyes has got me trying to determine if any CCC's have programs to assist and/or prepare children for what mommy or daddy will be like after they come home?
My son was way to young at the time of my treatment to comprehend the situation so I never gave it a second thought. I wonder what would have been different if he were older at the time?
Just a thought.
Cheers,
Mike

Mike

All I can say is WOW! How very sad it is for such a young child to be worried about this. She must be a very intelligent young girl to ask a dental professional such a question. She really must have given this a great deal of thought.

I know where I was treated, they do offer therapy sessions for the cancer patient and their immediate family. I didnt take them up on the offer, so unfortunately thats all the info I have.

Your answer was a good one. I sure hope the childs mother gets well quickly. The little girl who asked you the question must be a very good friend to this child to be concerned enough to ask.

Mike,

Wow! I haven't heard of anything for the children of OC patients, but it's definitely something that should be thought about.

My sons are all grown, but my grandchildren were only 4 and 8 when all this started, and we are very close. When they came to visit me after my second surgery - feeding tube down my nose, trach hole in my neck, toothless, etc, I asked their parents to prepare them so that they wouldn't be too frightened when they saw their beloved Gramma. They did a pretty good job of explaining and the kids filled in any gaps with questions when they got here.

Maybe the American Cancer Soc. has some info on that. I've found that they've been pretty good about including the family as a unit.

Lani

Christine, Lani,
I have always thought that children were a lot more intelligent than many people give them credit for and surmised that they as well, were very resilient. I guess in many ways I was right. I still have to think that we leave much to chance with explanations and information when it comes to our children though.
Cheers,
Mike

It really depends on the age of the child and their life experiences how they handle this. My children are 18, 17, & 14. They were all one year younger when my husband had his surgery. They came to see him at the hospital and I was very upfront about what he looked like and i must say, they handled it well. My sisters children are considerably younger but both of their grandparents died horrible cancer deaths. They are very compassionate because of this experience and are concerned about their uncle. My other sisters children are 9 & 5 and haven't dealt with this sort of thing yet so they are nervous around my husband. Through all this treatment we have only been asked one or two times how they children are doing so I know YOU have to be proactiv if you think they need help. Knowimg my own, they wouldn't accept it from an outside source.

I have a very good friend who was an oncology nurse and she advocates being very upfront with teeangers about this when it's a parent with the cancer. I have taken her advice and my children know the severity of their father's condition. Just yesterday Neil's doctor told me how traumatic it will be if Neil's tumor causes a neck hemmorage. He knows we have children at home and wanted me to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I appreciate that he took this into consideration. Many times people tiptoe around such awful discussions but I'd rather be prepared.

So I guess it all really depends on the age, maturity, and relationship to the patient. In my case, I don't want my kids to be afraid to be home alone with their dad but they also need to know what to do in case of emergency. He still goes to work and is actually on a convention for a few days but as winter approaches and he goes back on chemo that may change. With younger people get this horrible disease I think the issure of children and how they deal with this will really become an important issue.

Sue

Mike

One truly amazing thing I have seen going through St. Jude Childrens Research Hospital here is the way the kids handle what they are going through. It is not unusual for some of these young ones to spout off their diagnosis using all of the $100,000 words AND have a complete understanding what they are talking about. Humbling to say the least. Of course the staff is focused on the kids and helping them understand.

Kids are amazing when challenged. Kudos to you for answering her questions.

An interesting question if there are any programs for kids in the "adult" CCC's. I'd be interested in that answer too. My kids are all older so it was not as much of an issue.

Kevin

kids not only have a lot of smarts and great perception but it starts so young too. when i had my surgery my youngest was 3. she took it all in stride ... her concerns were mommy did not feel good (and she would pat me and say it is ok mommy, you will feel better) and then when i took out the proosthesis to give my mouth a rest i was unable to speak and she would say "you can't talk, mommy???" and i would say "no" and she would say "that's okay mommy, you can talk soon" ... and off she would go a happy camper

I am sure when a child is older, say 5 on up they will be more concerned with the changes and they may seem scary to them. i think the parents should be the ones to guide them to understanding and ask for help if they need it from the pros but usually kids are more flexible and less apprehensive if the parents share the news of coming changes and pose it to them in a positive light that all WILL be okay but it will be a change and may not be much fun for awhile ...

Hi Dr. Mike!
When my mom had her prodecure last fall I asked the nurse her opinion about how to deal with my children, girls then ages 11 and 17. She said she thought it was best to be honest and upfront about everything. The most interesting part to me was that she recommended that the girls come in and see her about 2 days after her surgery, and then when they would see her approx 5 days later they would see a great improvement in terms of swelling and healing. She said that it gives the children a sense of encouragement.
I appreciated your answer; hard to know what to tell them when you don't know what really happened.
One day while my mom was still in the hospital I ventured down to the resource room. I was told that at Univ of PA they would teach some of the patients and their childrent sign language, if needed. For a room that had so many concerned people it was quite calm.
I'm sure that you made that little 8year old girl feel a ton of relief.
Donna

Hey Dr. Mike,

Children are the best--I tend to believe that one is at the height of altruism as a young child. Children are smart and a lot tougher then us adults like to admit; however, children are gentle, young and inexperienced. The difference between us and children is life's experiences that we get by aging. A child has all the emotions already built in from birth...Think about it--from the beginning a baby will look, laugh and cry from the git-go. Babies do it every day...imagine if all of us adults just looked, laughed and cried every day...we would be more compassionate and understanding to..well to each other. We would be more honest...and that's what children are..they're honest. You gave an honest answer to a sincere question that came from the worlds best--a child.

My 7 year old niece told my Mom her Nanny: "Nanny, if my Mommy and Daddy died I would be really sad, but it would be okay because I would live with you and Pop-pop...I would miss Mommy and Daddy...But I love you and Pop-pop sooo much..And it would be okay, I would be okay." It brought tears to my Mom and I...So young and so smart. That's why it's so important for us adults to be at our best when around a child.

I think you did that...and that probably made your day!

best wishes