So it's been way to long since I've visited this website.

First, the background: I'm a 31 year-old, four year tongue cancer survivor. I went through radiation, bracheytherapy and surgery (no chemo). The Oral Cancer Foundation was instrumental in getting me through treatment and I am forever in its debt.

Second, the excuses: I think there are many reasons why I haven't visited here, some of which the difficulty of revisiting all those feelings from four years ago (damn, is it possible to still be welling up in my eyes here?! Good land!). More reasons related to new (non life threatening though!) problems discovered since then. You know the whole saying of "losses bring up other losses"...well, that was created just for me!! LOL

Finally, the reason I'm back. I'm curious if any survivors have experienced some of the issues I've been unable to shake.

Issue one: muscle aches and spasms. my neck and upper back are constantly in pain and I have frequent muscle spasms primarily in that area. Secondarily I have them in the rest of my body.

Issue two: dislocated jaw. The theory on this one is that my lower jaw was pretty far back in the first place. Then the radiation tightened up those jaw muscles even more, forcing the the jaw permanently out of place. I'm now in braces and mouthguards (2 year ordeal so far) to bring it back into alginment.

Issue three: infertility issues. Remember I'm a relatively young woman without history of chemotherapy or other reason for infertility issues.

Issue four: does anyone still have L'Hermites Syndrome/Symptom (I can never rememer which one it is) four or more years out? I remember during treatment that the doctor said that would dissipate and while it has certainly gone down in intesitiy, it never went fully away. I personally think it's related to issue #1, but that's just a personal theory.

On the plus side, fixing issue two has really helped with issue one, though not permanently alleviating it. And addressing issue two has corrected the extreme pain in my ears and the "leaking" from my ears.

But just curius on the various issues...we all know that feeling of being alone, and I'm kind of feeling that way right now. I'm half hoping someone will understand what I'm going through, but half hoping nobody is going through this post-cancer difficulty. <sigh> To be honest, there are more issues, but those are the main ones weighing on my right now.

For those of you I know from 4 years ago, you are never far from my thoughts. I always send out little hugs and warm thoughts out in your directions.

Sabrina