I am an artist and also a toddler teacher at a community college here in Bellingham, WA. For almost three years I was getting really terrible sore throats. I have Lupus and my doctor thought that the lupus was causing inflamation of the throat. With steriods, the soreness did go away but finally I went to an ear nose and throat doctor. He did a biopsy and told me it was cancer of the tonsil. There were a couple nodes involved too. Anyway, the cancer had progressed down my thraot so far that the doctors felt it would be dangerous to operate. so I had chemotheropy and radiation. I finished in Feb. 08. I had my first post treatment cat scan about a mounth ago and I'm cancer free. I feel relieved, but also scared that it might come back. Also, The treatment( or should I say torture) was so horrible I am still in shock. I absolutely believe that anyone who survives the treatment will have post tramatic stress disorder. When one is being treated it's all one can do to just go forward with the fight of your life. It's only lately that I've had a chance to reflect. Anyway, I look forward to meeting you and discussing things as they come up.

Hi Laurel,

The people here are great....They have helped me every day...and I'm new to this sight. This sight is like therapy for me...When I first came here I was feeling a little down...People here, not only give great advice but hope..And a few comedians are runnin' around!

You sound like you're doing great...Welcome and Best Wishes always....

Raymond

Hi Laurel:

Welcome to OCF. Congrats on your clear scan

You are correct in the fact that treatment can seem like torture, but it is also very necessary. Without it we wouldnt be here to help others who walk this path behind us. Some people have it worse than others and everybody reacts differently to treatments. Overall I do consider myself to be one of the lucky ones even though I have gone thru cancer twice in less than a year. Im fortunate that I am here to tell about it and know that it could have been so much worse.

You are officially a cancer survivor, be proud of yourself

Laurel,

Most of us seem so caught up in the torture as you so aptly call it that when that is over it's easy to fall into the depressing thoughts of what does the future hold. I am now 2 years post Tx and for me time healed all those wounds about a year out and I feel as normal now as I did before all this crap tried to steal my life away. My point is what you're feeling is normal to many of us and don't dwell on it. Don't let this cancer do any more to you than it's already done.

Thanks for your warm welcome and comments. I agree I have much to be thankful for and I do feel good most of the time. It's just that I'm in this uncomfortable stage where I have to put my life back together and get back to normalcy and yet I feel that everything has sort of changed. I look at my life before I had cancer and I seemed so brave. Now I seem to have a lot of fear and free floating anxiety. But, as time goes on I'm sure I'll start feelin like my old self. Anyway, thanks a lot for the comments and support.

Welcome, Laurel. I understand the PTSD analogy. Once we have been through this, we can't go back and unring the bell. As a friend of mine says -- "once you're a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again!"

So, yes, we are touched by this cancer thing and it does materially change us. The trick is to transform that change into positive action. This comes with time. I still spend way too much time worrying about recurrence and such, but it is better than it was a few months ago. I do a lot of volunteer work, though I have had to cut back due to my "real" job. I am on the phone list at our local CCC for anyone who has OC to call if they want.

I think we each have to make some individual choices about how much we choose to make cancer part of our lives after we complete treatment. To some extent, of course, that choice is made for us. However, some, like Brian, make it their calling. Others, like many who do not frequent the boards any more, move on to get on with their lives and try to pretend it never happened. Others, like most of us, are somewhere in the middle.

It is a process, not an event. Do not rush it, do not panic. You are among friends here, and we all understand what it is like. This is a great place to gain perspective.

Hi Laurel,
Firsty - great news that you are cancer free. I was diagnosed with larynx cancer last year with a couple of nodes involved too. I found out last week that I am in remission too.
I had the same treatment as you - lots of chemo and radio! Definitely wasn't the best part of my life...but I am recovering now. I don't think what has happened to me over the past 9 months has actually hit me until now! It seemed that treatment stopped suddenly and I was left to fend for myself...scary!
xxx

Welcome aboard Laurel. Congrats on the clear results from you scan. The best way to deal with this post pain and problems are do your best to ignore them. It can be hard, but it also can be done with determination. Hayley that posted above me is a good example. She is just a teen that went thru this terrible stuff, but she survived and inspires some of us. Good luck and keep kicking butt.

Hi Laurel
I also have Lupus and my rheumatology consultant dismissed the ulcers as a side effect of my medication!
Anyway welcome.
Am glad for you that the worst of your treatment is over and now you can start to look forward.
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen