Do not speak to me like that.

Gary- if only I were as smart as you then this caretaker stuff would be a breeze.

I made a mistake- not fatal because Charlie is NOT A FIRST TIME OPIATE USER.

This will be my last post- I wish everyone the best! Keep your head high and don't EVER let someone make you feel incapable.

God Bless Everyone!

I have NO apologies. Period.

Maybe if you LISTENED to some of the suggestions here then maybe caregiving would be a "breeze" (as you put it). But realistically caregiving is tougher than having cancer itself. I have nothing but respect for caregivers and I owe my life to my wife who was my caregiver.

If you want to do incredibly dangerous, reckless and stupid things, in spite of ALL of the information here then it is well for you to go elsewhere, we obviously aren't making a difference anyway. And don't try deflect the blame on me for your bad decisions and for giving you "tough love". I do regret having to be frank like this and I hope that no one ever puts me in the unfortunate position where I have to go there again.

I don't care if Charlie was a junkie - Fentanyl is in a class by itself. It's a synthetic opiate and 40 times more powerful than "China White" heroin and 80 times more powerful than morphine.

I do wish Charlie the best and pray for his survival.

That was a bit harsh...she is young and trying her best.

Dont get upset Delia.. he means well really.

Thought it was Glenn posting again there for a minute... I miss that old grump!
Marica

You know what, I agree with Gary's post wholeheartedly on this. Had it not been for the advice on the fentanyl patch that I got here, I might have jeprodized my husband big time. I might add that I also read the drug fact sheet and warnings with a magnifying glass. Had I not done that I would NOT have known to remove the patch when John's temp hit 101.6 one morning. I don't understand why the Docs who write the script and the pharmacist who fills it don't sit the patient and caregiver down and go over the safety considerations.
Delia, I hope you cool off and continue putting your love and concern for Charlie foremost. It is doubtful that you will find as much knowledge and caring anywhere as is available to you here. Amy

Ha! I love this site...it just doesnt get any better than this! God Bless my Sister for guiding me to all you wonderful people out there. Ok, i get it now...ask before you do. So im asking now (and let me remind you, i havent done yet) Tell me about the "patch". I want to know it all. Im fixing to start my radiation treatments (for 6 wks) do i need this patch? I recently had my tonsils and my teeth out, and they put me on liquid Hydrocodone, felt so good, never had pain, but one problem...never woke up either! So tell me about the patch? Can i function do daily activities or am i going to want to sleep my life away? Gary, you remind me so much of my dad, haha your so cute!!! You keep that "tough love" going, we need more outspoken and brutally honest people like you in our life!

...So maybe it would be good to take a deep breath here. Cancer takes so much from us let's not give it our support of each other.

Who here has not made a mistake on some aspect of their care? I know I have and probably will again. This isn't a normal time for any of us but that's why this forum is important. This is how we learn and share our do's and don'ts.

We're all doing the best we can, let's cut each other some slack.

Regards JoAnne

Hi, Linda: I started two threads on fentanyl recently: One is titled "4 short questions" in Currently in Treatment, the other is "Fentanyl DuHHH" in Medications, Treatment and procedures. I got lots of good info in both of those. I am sure there is much more if you do a search. John has been on liquid Hydrocodone for pain management for 17 mo. It was not really solving the problem. We tried the patch, but he was not able to function on it[he became a space cadet very quickly on 50 mcg.] so we had to stop and go back to hydrocodone. However, we heard from lots of people who could function well on the patch. I think it depends on your tolerance to certain drugs and how strong a dose you need to control pain. If John had been on 100 mcg, he could have gone to the moon without a spaceship. My guess is that it is trial and error. Do some good research and be willing to take it off if your mind gets screwy Amy

Amy, thanks so much for the info. it really does help. Sounds like the majority can use the patch. I will ask my doctor for it and try it. The only thing i didnt see, is when is it needed? Normally what week of radiation? (i know everyone is different, but what is the norm? )

Linda, some people never need it and I almost got away without it. Didn't give in until the last week of rad when the neck burns really began to get the upper hand. If I knew then what I know now, I would have asked for it about a week before. You should have a free pass for the first couple of weeks at least, and probably longer. I am not sure there is a norm, as it depends on skin type, where the rad is aimed, what kind of rad, and whether there is concurrent chemo. You are very correct in that each of us reacts differently. I managed on just OTC Tylenol for almost the entire time. In fact, I always took a Tylenol about 30 min. prior to treatment because that table was so hard. Also, the patches did not make me at all sleepy or nutso, and I was up to 3 at one point post-treatment. Just remember, it is your right as a patient, not to hurt. Being in pain hinders healing. I found the gearing up phase almost endless, but once treatment began, it went rather quickly. Actually, because of the kind people on this forum 4 years ago, I was prepared for much worse than I experienced. While I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for things to get REALLY ugly, I was done! I hope this is your experience also.

Hi Delia:

Your story touches me particularly because I was dating Dave (first major post-divorce relationship-took me one marriage to figure out how to do it right) when he was diagnosed with tonsil cancer. Dave drove through Boston snow while vomiting in the midst of his radiation treatments to buy me an engagement ring. So, I better than anyone here understand the place of a fiance, albeit I was a tad older than you, in love with a guy who is dealing with an incredible challenge. I understand every shred of fear and anxiety you have, and possibly a teensy (let's be honest) bit of anger, that a marriage shouldn't need to start out in a post-cancer haze.

Well, mine did and yours will too. It has not been a picnic but it has solidified for me that this is the man I adore bar none and cancer became merely the defining moment of my love for him. I still remember the surgeon calling out from the OR and telling me he couldn't visualize clear margins and "would it be okay if I break David's jaw so I can see better and sleep tonight".Right, so break away,sleep tonight, and what the hell have I done and was it the right decision?

So, why am I expounding here? Because, you are an extraordinary person caring deeply for the person you love.At times, it is easy to become overwhelmed and make errors even when your intent is good. I suspect you responded strongly to Gary's admonishment because it SCARED you that you could have unknowinglg done something hurtful. But, luckily, you did not and Charlie is okay.

Rule number one for us health care providers is to check and see if the patient is breathing when and errors may have happened. So, he is, now check your own breathing.The toll of being a caregiver is enormous and the responsibility is staggering 24/7 while you are enmeshed in the process.

It might be helpful for you to print some of the posts to look at when you can or have someone else look at them with you and help sift through the info. It's hard to be really "on" when you are really tired.

My wish for you is that you stay put here with us and remember that there are many personalities on the board and sometimes approaches clash. However, the wish to be helpful usually is the root of the reactions from those who post even when they post strongly or you don't like what you hear.

Breathe and try to talk about what is really under your strong reaction. There are alot of veteran caregivers here and we want to support you.

By the way, I really liked your wedding website.

You'll smile again like in your picture- I promise.

Hang in there,

Kim