i got married in october and just a few weeks ago found out my father in law-whom i love and respect very much- has oral cancer. he and my husbands mom both live in india and my husband and i live in the usa. three days after getting the terrible news we were on a flight to india. i have been appointed to do all the medical research and find doctors and treatments. i cannot imagine having to be the one to take over for a parent-it's too emotionally devastating to deal with this all at once with somebody like that. to those of you out there doing it for your immediate family members and spouses, you have my utmost respect for your courage. it is hard enough to do for my father in law, and see what this family is going through, little by little. right now i am locked away in the bathroom crying my eyes out because papa just came home from the hospital, having had a partial glossectomy and neck dissection. my husband had never seen his father with a beard before this week...and i spied papa watching his new look in the mirror, and how my husband looks at him sadly, and well...it is just f*&*&ing sad. and i am trying to translate the pathology report into something i can understand, but it's too much for even ME to deal with today. i have been praying every day that there would be no nodal involvement, and i guess i am pissed off at god right now. i don't know what "tumor metastises with perinodal involvement" is, and whether that is the same thing as extracapsular spread, whether it means papa must have chemo, or what to do. anyways, that is the first time i have posted in this particular forum. please feel free to send me a pm if you like.
for some reason my watched topics don't always send an email notification.
i will try to maintain some strength and hope, most importantly not let the family see me distressed.

Hello Marma, Have you gotten some help with interpreting the pathology report yet? You have been given a big responsibility to be the "medical researcher" ! Hope things will go well for your family. Keep asking questions here and be sure his Doctors know you are part of his team. Amy

hi amy, yes dr vinod joshi of ocf was the main person to help me figure out the pathology and i meet with an RO tomorrow. thanks:-)

Marma, glad to hear you have some support in your corner. Undoubtedly you will have lots more questions, so stick with OCF. You will get help here. Stay strong! Amy