Hi all,

I posted awhile back about feeling like I wasn't me. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. This has been going on for several months now. I have tried many, many medications but none seem to work.

My counselor seems to think we are dealing with anxiety and that I live in a constant state of panic. I don't know what is going on I just know I want to feel like "me" again.

If anyone has experienced this please post here and let me know what you did to get through it.

Thank you,
Billy

Billy,

I assume by your Signature Line that your still cancer free so congratulation. We all have been thru the ringer and we all live from test to test with the fear that the next one might be positive. I also see that you're almost a year post Tx, congrats again, but I believe you need to lighten up a little and start to believe that you've beat this thing and you need to start to live your life again without the constant fear of the C word. I don't know what meds you're on but maybe you should try life again without them. JM2C's

You conquered cancer so this should be a piece of cake.

Hi, Billy! After I figured out what JM2C's meant, I decided to add mine . You, indeed, went through a very scary time and did it well. I remember most of your posts and the determination you had while getting through the treatments. Somewhere in your mind there is a little switch that needs to be turned to "ON with my life." Whether or not anti-anxiety drugs are necessary are between you and your Doc, but you have shown great fortitude thus far, so please keep that fighting spirit up! Hopefully, no one wil take offense at this, but I equate the battle with this disease to being in a foxhole [or in a truck or helicopter in Iraq or Afganistan right now.] Getting through an Oral Cancer diagnosis is a life battle and requires tremendous courage and stamania. You did well, Billy- Keep it up. Amy in the Ozarks

We all live slightly on the edge every day, either fighting to get through treatment, worrying about recurrence, etc. There are some days where I live life like I never had cancer. Other days, I feel desperate to the point of tears. Other days it's everything in between.

Nothing unusual or dire about what you are experiencing. Just one day at a time.

Thank yall so much for the replies. I try so hard to go on with my life. The surgery I had back in July really did a number on me. If yall remember correctly they had to cut several nerves during that surgery including the one that I used to swallow. That part right there made me think I was going to die because I wasnt going to be able to swallow again. Well, I can swallow most things now after months of very hard work. Some things are hard to swallow and some things are easier.

I have been back to work since October and just got laid off due to lack of work but I will find something soon I am sure.

My psychiatrist relates this to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Its funny Amy that you would mention about a foxhole in Afghanistan because he compares it to someone who has been to war and has seen all of the ghorry stuff associated with it and their mind just kind of goes into a self-protect mode. I guess that is what has happened here and I dont know what to do about. This is by far harder than the treatments ever were. I guess when my mind realizes that I am going to be ok then this will pass.

Thanks again,
Billy

Hi Billy,
I think you hit the nail right on the head. When you were going through your treatment and healing and discovering your new "normal" you had issues to focus on. Now that you have overcome some post treatment issues your mind has more idle time to dwell upon what you have been through, it's scary at times. I went through the same thing and still have the occasional anxious moment.
Billy, the fact that you have overcome most of the issues that bogled up your head six months ago is fantastic.
You will always have the "foxhole" you just have to fill it in.
God bless you my friend.
Mike