Dixie,

You have been through a great deal! What strength you have, you are an inpiration. As some one said above, every day is a miracle. Some will say they don't believe and some will say they do. What's important is your faith and what you believe. I pray that God gives you more strength when you need it.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mother. Please keep us posted and come here often.

Tim

Dear Dixie, it seems that you and I have some things in common. I lost my 82 yr old Mom,[ who was in fairly good health] to a hip fracture. She died within 2 mo. of her fall. It took me a long time to get over that. And my hubby and I experienced many of the challanges you are dealing with now. The strain of dealing with the trach and not being able to communicate by voice, the responsibility of keeping up with the meds and nutritional needs, the sleeping with one ear open to be able to hear him will wear you down. Remember this-- nurses in hospitals work SHIFTS-- you are on duty 24\7 !! If you can manage it, please get some relief a few hours a week by bringing someone in to help with daily chores and you leave the house- go get a massage, a pedicure, a facial or something. We were in a different situation than you in one respect. We knew John was not going to survive the cancer so my responsibility became to keep him as comfortable and pain free as possible and spend as much quality time together as we could. I had promised him that he would not die in a hospital and I kept that promise. But I had Hospice nurses and family helping me for the last month or I would not had been able to do it. Just please think-if you really unravel-who will pick up the pieces? You must take care of yourself. Please e-mail or pm me if you want to talk further. There is alot of good help on this forum. Amy in the Ozarks

Amy,

It is so good to have you back posting and giving folks the benefit of your very valuable and hardwon experiences.

Glad to see you on the boards, Deb

I justy have to add this to miracles.. I had a lump in my breast, LOL on men I guess you call it a chest. I was given an appot. to have it biopsied. I went to the clinic , indressed and put on one of those free for all robes and went to the OR. The Drs came in and checked me real good, maybe too good. The tumor was gone and i had been on a few prayer chains for 2 weeks precceding the date scheduled for the biopssy. It was completely gone. The Dr said,, we have just seen a miracle. This happened in Steubenville, Ohio 3 years ago. Miracles must happen or so I do believe they do.

I feel compelled to add a little here although I am not a professional medical person of anykind and just have lived my life. I have been a caregiver of my first husband(whom I was only married to for 15 months before his death because of a brain tumor) and now I am a cancer survivor, I like to call myself. It is harder to be a caregiver. My husband of today is so down in the dumps, although he just had emergency galbladder surgery and I was caregiver to him, HA what I could. He is very brave. I think we are both just worn down and out and doing the best we can. But it is hard both ways. I tried to keep my job being a caregiver and only 24 and it was hard. OUr families were 3 hours away and I just never will get over how hard it was to keep going and watch someone get weaker and doctors won't take your calls and there is no one to call- no help to get. It takes over your mind, for sure. I know, no one wants to come in and watch your husband because they are afraid and you cannot get away. I know. Please try to get someone to stay for 8 hours during the day, so you can grocery and just breath for a minute or you will surely go bonkers. Considering your mental health, paying a nurse for 8 hours is well worth it. Please take care of yourself so you can take care of you husband from someone who knows.

Malka,
Thanks so much. As strange as it sounds it helps to realize other people have worst problems than I do. For a few moments it got me off of my own pitty party and made me realize I am blessed in many ways. I do have my health and my daughter and grandbabies are near by. We have our home intack and many friends who are only a phone call away. I just have to learn to make those calls. We worked for a while pulling FEMA houses after Katrina and saw some of the devistation first hand. My heart goes out to you. One of my best friends son was injured by a roadside bomb in Iraq a little over a year ago and I saw how hard that can be. Where we live is really not far from New Orleans so we are both real Southerners. Please know I will add you and your family to my prayer list and if you will send me an address our church sends care packages to troops. I will see that your son gets one. I feel so indebted to all these men and women who sacrifice for all of us. Thanks again for just being there. Will keep in touch.

Deb,
Thank You for your prayers and words of encouragement.

Gary,
Thank You for the input. You seem to know a lot about what is happening. As for the testing I had a friend tell me the other day to think about all the crowns waiting for me in heaven one day. I really will be o.k. with a baseball cap. I know God is not go put more on me than I can stand but I really feel overloaded right now. Reading some of other peoples problems helps me to realise I am not the only one going through trials. Thanks

Dixie,
There's a yiddish expression which translates as "we all have our own little package." I have been extrodinarily blessed in these past few years. My glaucoma was found just as it began. The kidney cancer was discovered during other testing and would not have given symptoms until too late too do much about it. The OC was discovered by my dentist who was suspicious of a pocket in the gum under a bridge. My sister found her cancer when she brushed a hair off her neck and felt a lump. Her cancer was so far back in the chest wall that it would never have been detected on a routine mamogram.
Like others here I only wanted to let you know that it is possible to be hit and get up and keep going. The best help comes from knowing that we can not change some things but we can survive them.

Hey All
Just a little update. I am doing much better. Only cry a little each day rather than all day. Have been able to get out a bit. The weather here has been beautiful and a little yard work has been good therapy. Was even able to go to church today. Mike seems to be feeling good but can not sleep over about an hour at a time. He has cut back on his pain meds a good bit and I wonder if that may have something to do with his insomnia. He has just noticed in the last few days that the right side of his tongue is swollen a good bit. He says it doesn't hurt at all. I tried to look at it but he can't open his mouth very wide and he can't stick it out at all. Would any of this be caused from the coroid artery being cut or does it sound like another problem? He does not go back to the doctor for 3 weeks and he gets really frustrated with me when I try to get him to make extra apppointments. He says I have no idea how tired he gets of seeing doctors. I do a little bit though because I have been everytime he has for almost 5 years now. He still has a lot of mucus coming from the trach. I am beginning to wonder about that also. If he sits back in his chair he says he can't breath. He tells me that is just the trach causing that but he was not like that when we first came home. Oh well I have more questions every day. Looks like the doctors would just tell me what to expect. I have learned more from reading on here in a few weeks than from any other source I have found and it is great to know others are there and listening and offering support. Thanks to everyone.
Dixie