Just wondering if anyone else has experienced sort of a pessimistic, down-in-the-dumps psychological "hangover" after completing treatment.

I am just over 30 days post treatment, and have been really, really fortunate in terms of side effects and recovery. I can eat just about anything at this point, though saliva is still an issue with some foods (peanuts are a killer . . .), taste is just starting to creep back, and I am playing golf again.

All of the doctors agree that I am clinically cancer free at this point. On the one hand I feel like I should feel more celebratory than I do. I guess the spectre of recurrence and just a general psychological exhaustion have gotten to me a little bit. Also have been busy preparing for and getting our son (only child) off to college, which we did this weekend.

Anybody else go through this? Any input would be appreciated. Thanks!

Jeff,
I know how you feel & i went through something similar myself after treatment.
It seems like such an anti-climax! I think it's a combination of things. Through treatment you see someone from your team every day. And then it just stops.
Also, while you're going through treatment you have a goal, something to focus on. & then you're done.
& also... i don't think it really caught up with me until after treament. The enormity of what i'd just been through.
I found convelessing frustrating and difficult. I'd done with treatment so why wasn't my life 'normal' again. I HATED being off work (no thanks to day time telly).
But i can say that feeling does pass. For me it was about 12 weeks post Tx.
Bare with it - you're entitled to feel shell-shocked &/or lousy!

All the best,
Michelle

Jeff
One side effect of radiation is a reduced thyroid which will make you more tired and lathargic. You may want to get that tested to ensure there are no physical contributors. Mine was effected and had to go on Thyroid supliment.

Jeff, try to remember that this is the gift that just keeps on giving. Yes, you have completed all the treatments, and have received the news that we all hope to hear. However, the effects of the radiation and chemo do not stop on the day you receive your last treatment, they keep on giving.

Look at is as a marathon. The people that run those things are amazing. However, when they have completed the race, many of them just plain collapse. The race is over, but there is all the turmoil that follows that kicks in once they cross the finish line, elation, exhaustion, pain, the need for support from their friends and race officials.

We too have run a race. Having completed it we too must deal with the post race effects. Keeping busy does help. Keeping in contact with those that were a part of your support group also helps. Just because we finished the race does not mean they do not wish to be kept abreast of how we are doing.

I have just recently completed race number two. What you are feeling is identical to what I am going through now. However, I have the benefit of having been there once already, and know what likely awaits me tomorrow. I have beat it, what else is there to do. Just for beginners, there is staying around here and sharing your experience with others. One day someone is going to post a question that you will read, smile and then answer, because you have been there.

Hang tough fellow survivor. Your work is far from over. Also, if that hangover continues for any length of time, consider talking with one of your docs about some pharmacological help. Many many of us have had to use it in the past to get past a few bumps in the road. Eventually the road smooths out and things do get better, a whole lot better. I am looking for that smooth road again. I am sure it is not far off.

Take care of you and yours Jeff.

Bill

Jeff, When my treatment ended I wanted to shoot myself I felt so bad. It lasted for months. I worked from home I would sit in my office throwing everything away because I was convinced I was dying. I slept for 20+ hours a day for months too due to morphine. I found an all mens cancer support group which saved my life I went to weekly meetings for 5 years. Then I started to feel a tiny inkling better and turned everything around. I started exercising 2 sit ups and 1 push up was all I could handle at first with in six months I was walking an hour every morning and lifting some serious weights. I never did anti depressants but they do help many people maaybe try it for a while while you are in the dumps. Look at the positives you beat the BEAST and are C Free. You will survive this too.

I'm glad I'm not alone down here in the dumps. I'm about eight weeks out from my last treatment. In the meantime, the Doc had me undergo a biopsy and in the process the stiff tissues in my mouth allowed my palate to rip when the ENT was trying to get his fingers in position. That set me back a bit. I am bored stiff sitting at home alone, sick of sleeping all day and never feeling rested, tired of liquid nutrition (Jevity) to the point of throwing up from the smell, yet unable to eat more than a bite or two of normal food the normal way.

I keep reminding myself to feel lucky. My biopsy came back clear, I am not in the middle of a hurricane or Darfur, or a mine collapse or any number of other, horrific situations. When I look at it that way, sitting in my chair moping doesn't seem like such a bad thing after all.

Just want to add a note here that this "after treatment" time is often very difficult for caregivers too because suddenly their support system of Doctors, nurses, etc. is no longer there on a daily or weekly basis. Along with the "patient", the caregiver has completely rearranged his\her life to fight this battle and in many cases switched roles from husband\wife to nurse\caregiver\household manager\etc. I remember a feeling of being adrift on an ocean of "now what?" after John's 1st series of txs. ended. This is a period of readjustment for the whole family unit and it will take awhile. Amy in the Ozarks

Jeff - With any change that occurs in life - whether it is good or bad there is usually a certain amount of stress. During treatment, there is a sort of "normal" routine we get used to and when that ends, we have a "now what" sort of lost feeling that Amy mentions. As a caregiver, when my son's Tx ended, I felt the loss of a previous routine, and it took a while before a "new normal" was established and a new routine came into play. Knowing what to expect brings a feeling of some control over whatever situation we are in. The new "normal" does take hold and things do get better - for both survivor and caregiver!

Jeff,
I second what others have said here. When I finished treatment I was horribly depressed. I remember telling my wife that after so much time being anxious to finish treatment, I had this weird feeling like I wanted to be back in it again. I guess for me it was a feeling of loneliness. You have all these people on your care team who you see daily or weekly, and then all of the sudden it's like you're out on your own. They've 'moved on' to other patients and you're supposed to just jump back into regular life. It's tough because if you're like most of us, by that point life feels anything but normal or regular. It can be a very lonely feeling.

I made the mistake of withdrawing from my friends, and even my family somewhat, during treatment. When treatment was over I continued that withdrawal. My best friends were trying to contact me, and I just kept telling them I couldn't see them yet. Radiation had left me (temporarily) unable to speak clearly, which didn't help. It wasn't until I got out of the house, got back into my job, and spent some time with those friends that I started to come out of it. Before long I found myself laughing and remembering how good it was to spend time with friends.

I learned later that my friends were also unsure how to handle everything after my treatment - they didn't know whether to just stay away like I said I wanted, or whether to be more forceful and insist on seeing me. I think many of the people in our lives feel awkward too about how to handle 'us' after treatment (even family members).

Life may not feel normal right away, but the more you let yourself get back into life the sooner you'll start to feel better. It DOES get better, absolutely!! I'm about to start another round of treatment, and I've already vowed to myself not to withdraw like I did the last time.


-Steve J.