Very well said Tonya.

You and your family are in my thoughts and in my heart!

Cindy

Tonya,

I am so sorry it has come to this I, like Minnie, was concerned about the pain David has been experiencing. I felt it was a strong possibility that the cancer was not gone, but it so hard to tell that to someone. Especially before they are ready to hear it.

As for the smell, we experienced that also. The last couple weeks or so, I started burning strong aromatic candles constantly to try to combat it. Cinnamon ones seemed to work well.

It is very possible that David's daughter is sensing that things aren't right. Heather's daughter, who was 6 at the time, definitely had a sense of what was happening. She actually asked me, just a couple weeks before Heather died, when I thought her mom was going to die. Not if, but when. I believe her words were something like this - grandma, how many days do you think it will be before my mom dies? You can tell that she was very aware of the situation. If I may make a suggestion, be as truthful with your neice as you can. I think Cati handled her mother's death fairly well because we didn't lie to her about what to expect.

And definitely call hospice, as long as David agrees. We didn't have hospice in until near the end, because Heather didn't want them and I couldn't go against her wishes. Hopefully David will allow them in sooner because they are a great help. Please feel free to private message or email me directly if I can help.


Rosie

Tonya,
Like Rosie, I too have been worried that David's pain was caused by a reoccurence but didn't want to mention it and assumed the doctors were checking for it. Did the doctor say no more chemo?I am so saddened it has come to this and hope they get his pain under control so he can enjoy whatever time he has left with his family.

Take care,
Eileen

Tonya,

My thoughts are with you and David as you pass through whatever time you have left together. We all may be in your shoes one day. I hope David can be painfree and enjoy the time he has left.

All my best, Danny Boy

Tonya,
Your post brought me to tears, as I'm sure it did everyone else, so let your brother know that there are tears being shed for him all over this country.
32 years old and trying to wrap his mind around the fact that cancer is going to take his life much to early. I cannot even imagine the extent of his emotions right now, nor your own. What I feel I DO know is that you will be an invaluable source of strength for him, your love for your brother is so obvious.
I hate this disease and what it does to our families. I have said many times that the patient has the easy job, all we have to do is die. The road for our families is long and sad after we leave.
Tonya, I wish there was more we could do for you. I also hope that the time David has left will be pain free and that he finds a place where he can accept what is happening and find peace.
Minnie

Dear Tonya, I wish I could do something to make it better. You and David are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless, Carol

Dear Tonya, You, David and his family have been in my thoughts since I read your post. I am so very sad that a man of 32 has such a prognosis. I send you love from Helen

Tonya, Reach deep, find your strength and help your family get through this.Help David celebrate the life he has lived. Amy

Thank you all. I have just returned from Houston. My sister, who is down there, called Thursday and said the doctor said he might not make it through the night, or he might have a week, so my family packed up and went. His main doctor said he looked great, but my sister kept taking him to the pain clinic until finally a receptionist, seeing him holding his head and the pain he was in, said, "I'm getting him a doctor now." It seems his main doctor had not "had time" to look at David's cat scans from last month. Everything looked okay inside so the doc wasn't worried about it. The pain doctor that saw him pulled it right up on the computer and said the cancer was growing up his throat and had been absorbed into the tissue of his skin (this test was done on April 21) and immideately put David in the pallitive care unit and began trying to relieve his pain. While I am thankful for the care he is receiving at this top-notch facility, if the doctor would have just taken 10 seconds to look at the results of last month's test we could have saved David the horrible pain he has experienced this past month and he would have a little more time to prepare -though knowing David he would have waited until the last minute anyway. It's probably easier on him this way. The counselors have been in and talked to his wife and daughter. It's difficult for his wife, but the little girl is holding up pretty well. My sister's two little girls are there with them and they keep the little one occupied and bring smiles to David's day with hugs and kisses for their "Uncle Boo". I will keep you posted as I can.
My husband, son and I just returned from Houston last night (They thought they would be sending him home today, but now that's been delayed). He is looking well but has been unable to sleep for three days. (They said the steriods and other medication that have him on is inhibiting sleep). They are hoping to have him stablized enough to send home Tuesday. Fortunately my brother has no problem with hospice coming in and his doctor ha refused to release him until that is in place anyway. I feel they will be a valuable asset. David wrote me a note while I was there that said, "Well, this kind of snuck up on us. I need to write a will." (Something I've been trying to get him to do since last June.) Those few words give me the hope that he is coming to terms with what is happening. We are having friends, and those just wanting to express their wishes, send emails to my sister's email address. She checks it several times a day and prints out messages to take to him. If anyone would like to do that the address is [email protected]
Thank you for your caring, your thoughts and prayers and the sharing of your time to express those things to me and offer assistance and guidance.
Bless you all,
Tonya

I am really sorry Tonya. Whatever time you and your family have together with your brother, I hope is pain free, filled with love and lasts longer than anyone dreamed it would.

By all means make sure he does the will ASAP. Here is a link you might find helpful for legal forms and end of life issues. familycaregiversonline I would not advise you to rely on an online form as his final will, however any legal will is probably better than no will at all.