Danny,
Please think positive thoughts right now. No one has confirmed anything and if this turns out to be false then you will have spent days of worrying for nothing. There is ALWAYS hope and I think that is what you should be hanging onto until you get any type of negative news. Reality can come IF you are told there is more cancer. Lots of people have had these same things happen and it turns out to be nothing...........Praying steadily that you will be one of them.
Minnie

Dan,

I don't even know how to begin. This just sucks.

I am back from a trip to Scott's river cabin, where I spread his ashes at his favorite fly-fishing spot. I still have trouble believing that he is gone even though I held his hand and watched it happen.

Some have asked here why docs are assuming the worst without biopsies. Well, the same happened for my husband. We did ultimately get our biopsy, but the doctors had already given us the "there's nothing more we can do for you" speech. We sat stunned, then I silently cried and Scott rubbed my arm and squeezed my hand while the doctor told us about chemo that might give us a few extra days or weeks. The oncologist did NOT want us to bother with chemo since it might alter his quality of life; Scott, however, could not stand to do nothing but wait around to die, so he insisted on taking one of two options that would allow us to remain at home and not travel to the hospital. Our options were chemo pills--Xeloda or Iressa. We chose Xeloda. We were told there was only a 10-15% chance of it doing anything to slow the cancer. That was at least something. They gave Scott 2 months to live. We contacted Hospice even though we felt it was too soon to do so (it wasn't). He died 7 weeks later.

Did the Xeloda help? I think it did initially. Scott took two rounds of it: took it for 14 days, then off 7, then took it 14 days again, and then no more. We could actually see the progression of the cancer since it was metastatic to his skin (horror story there), and I am certain that it slowed during each round of the Xeloda, then accelerated each time he went off. So, did it buy us more time? Not from doctors' predictions, but I think it did buy us more time because that cancer was growing and spreading so fast that I don't think he could have made it one month had we done nothing.

Doctors kept reminding us about quality of life. I totally understand that. Scott's quality of life did change drastically, but from the cancer, not from the Xeloda. He had no side effects from it that we could tell (except slowing in growth of the cancer). He probably had more side-effects from the cancer and the pain med--morphine--like feeling exhausted, groggy, unable to concentrate, etc. During this time, we spent every minute together, did not insist on tests (no point) or visits to a doctor (when we needed him, our hospice doc came to our house!) We spent our days how we wanted, sometimes just sitting and holding hands; sometimes watching TV, sometimes napping, crying, or talking.

Dan, during this time that you must wait for your doctors' appointments, I know you will feel or are feeling a combination of numbness, intense loneliness, heart-ache, anger, helplessness....Scott and I went through all of that. Acceptance was the hardest. It nearly killed me to think of him having to accept that the end was near after he had fought so valiantly. He had been the poster child of positive attitude; even doctors had thought he had a good chance to beat the cancer because of his attitude and will to live!

Ultimately, though, he hung on to the things he loved to get him through--his family, friends, good literature, music, his kitties...The cliche "take one day at at time" became one hour, one minute, at at time. Whatever he could handle. You do the same. Allow yourself to feel however you need to to get through. Know that whatever you are feeling, there are those of us who truly do understand.

love,
Christine

Hey Danny,
I posted here two times last nite to you and I still don't see them, so I don't know what is going on! I just wanted you to know that my prayers go out to you and your family as you face these new and not so good circumstances. But God is good and does answer prayer and I pray so hard for you that there is treatment that you will respond to.
Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you!
Debbie

Holly s*#@! I go away for a few days to keep my own appointments only to come back and read this news. Dan, I'm terribly, terribly sorry to read about your scan results. My heart goes out to you. I hope you find a solution to this soon!

-Brett

Dan-
I too have been out of town and am saddened by your news. Your posts have brought you into many of our lives and have touched us all. I will add you to my growing prayer list and know that prayers are headed to you and your family. There is a better place beyond that doesn't include sickness and tears. I look forward to meeting you there. Love, Kris

Danny I too am so so sorry to hear this sad news. It is a slap, a jolt it is heart wrenching when the "C" desides to show its ugly face again. God be with you and your family. These words I pray can help you. When I was told the second time, those words did not help me,,I am sorry to say that but they didn't. I was just knocked off me feet. Blown away. Turned inside and out. I wish there was something I could say to you that would make all the difference in the world, if there is I am at a loss to think of it. God Love you Dan, We will all pray. And pray again..Whatever it takes,, it seems to me that with this radical neck disection, the cancer is heading straight for everyones lungs,,What is the deal here, is this what we all have to look forward to. I mean we have already had this horrible surgery only to have this happen, I dont get it..Love to you Dan, Always Vicki

Dan: Very sorry to hear your news. Things don't look to good right now, but remember that PRAYERS WORK! And from the looks of the previous posts, you are being prayed for a lot. From here, also. Try to put it in the Lord's hands and remember he will do that that is best for you. I pray his healing touch will support you and your family through this coming trial and into the future.

Danny,
I too was out of town this weekend and just read your post for the first time after seeing it referred to in another string. I am so sorry and wish all the best for you. Sometimes I think that I am invulnerable, like I used to be before the cancer diagnosis, and that the Big C is behind me forever. This is a sobering reminder that we must live our lives today as none of us are promised tomorrow. I have enjoyed your enthusiastic attitude since you came on to the forum. You have been a great inspiration to a lot of people.
Hang in there old dude...you never know.

Danny G.

Hello Brian,

If there was any doubt about the value of your website I know it's been put to rest. The number of responses to my posting of May 21st almost blows me away.

At this time I want to thank all the members for the kind and loving responses. It truly is a
"Band Of Brothers" I can feel the love and pain in the responses.

Thank you Brian and Ingrid.

Hi Danny, my thoughts and prayers are with you......Love, Carol