Deb,

As a former (long time ago) patient, I've been reading this thread and trying to come up with a balanced answer. Based on everything you've said about your husband's experience to this point, I'm mostly in the camp of those who say tell him to get off his butt and get on with life. I do feel some sympathy for the fact that if he's working, he may run out of energy by the time he's home. I know I was trying to hold down my job for the entire time I was going through treatment, as I was fairly sure they'd find some excuse to fire me if I took too much time off during surgery/radiation. By the end of the day, I was pretty well exhausted most of the time.

However, I also felt somewhat robbed of the vacation my husband and I had planned for the summer when I was being treated, and we were both determined to make it up in some way as soon as we could. While we couldn't exactly duplicate that trip, we were able to schedule a couple of different ones within the first few months after my radiation ended -- ones that were a real change of pace and exactly what I needed. The first one was within a couple hundred miles from home, so I felt there was a "safety net" in case I had to get back in a hurry. The second one was much farther away and included taking sailing lessons in the Caribbean -- by the time I was done with that, I felt like it really was time to move on.

Before cancer, I felt very healthy and assumed that I would live till I was past 80 -- having cancer made me realize that that might not happen, and that anything I thought was worth doing should be done sooner rather than later. It taught me some lessons about how I should organize both my work and non-work time in a much different way than I had before.

I hope your husband's psychiatrist is doing more than just prescribing medication. If your husband is physically able to do more, it sounds to me like he needs to find some level of motivation to make the most of every day.

Cathy

Great advice Cathy
My biggest phsycological issue was I hated people feeling sorry for me then it hit me that I was more at fault than others. I was out of work and out of touch with others. Without realizing it I was setting myself up for a life of self pity. I kept all of my fears inside and each day that went by I was further and further away from my normal life. I think I expected so many friends and family to be there for me but my true growth and happiness came back when i grew up and took control of my life and feelings. Now I realize that it is not their job to be there for me but for me to be there for them. ie...(Brian Hill)
Mark D.

I would imagine he will sit in front of the TV as long as you let him. Something called "tough love" needs to come into play here. I don't know how you will manage it, but you need to make time for yourself. And you need to let him do some things for YOU. As long as you pamper him and give in to every mood, you are not really doing him any favors, and as good as it feels at the moment to do something positive and concrete to make his journey a little smoother, there comes a time when you have to let go of the reins and let him drive the horse and buggy some!! I am suggesting you try it, gently at first, and see how things go.
Good luck , it sounds like you have been a great help to him when he needed it the most. Now that he is better, ease up on yourself!!

Andrea