Well it happened, after I spent 7 months being the caretaker to my husband and meeting all of his and my kids needs, and having a whirlwind summer, Erik went back to work full time and kids went back to school. We decided that it would be best that I don't return to work, (just to give the kids some extra security)and I found without anyone here, I was depressed,useless, bored, you name it. Here the time is to be rejoicing because Erik is well, things are returning to a new normal, and I'm more depressed than I've ever been. At first I thought I was just tired, needed to catch up my sleep bank for the last 9 months, but then it turned into a "full on, can't get out of bed, gotta be in the dark, don't want to live" depression. I was on depression meds already, so I couldnt fathom that I needed anything else, I just figured that this was the way I was going to be FOREVER. As the days, weeks went on I began to have darker thoughts, and was so pessimistic, that my mom (who calls everyday)finally called me on the carpet about my depression and told me that if I didnt make an appointment with my doctor (THAT DAY) that she would pull me out of my bed and take me to the psych ward. LOL
I went to the doctor (cause she wasnt kidding) and he doubled my meds, not to mention checked my blood pressure 126/112 gave me meds for that, and put me on a sleeping pill. I know I'm on a ton of meds, but I am feeling like a person again. Like an optimistic person, someone who has rejoicing to be doing!!

Jennie, Thank goodness for your mom stepping in like that. But sorry to know you had to go through that.

Nelie

Jennie, a caregiver's burden and mental suffering can sometimes be even greater than the patient himself.You need to take real good care about your emotional state and take medicine regularly. You should know that the anti-depresssants can only be effective at least 2 to 3 weeks after taking. The fact that you no longer work now ( if you used to work full time) can be a major reason for your depression. Don't let yourself idle around. Try to engage yourself with activities that make time pass more easily. Talk to the psychiatrist and I am sure professional help works.

Karen, once a sufferer of severe depression after treatment.

Jennie,

Sounds like you need to get back to work at least on a PT basis while the house is empty or maybe do some volunter work or find a hobby. Find something to fill that void that was created, perhaps without your knowledgable consent.

Find something to start YOUR healing process without having to depend on those Meds.

Just the opinion of an outsider looking in.

Hi Jennie,

Actually the timing makes sense, that's probably the first chance you had to even think about everything that's happened. The sleeping pill and other medications will help stablize things so you can start to sort it all out but it sounds like being home alone isn't for you. Did you work outside the home before Erik's cancer?

There's no good role to play here - both caregivers and patients suffer the effects of this disease in different ways. It's an unexpected and frigthening disruption in our lives and sometimes there's a delayed reaction. I found it helpful to talk to a therapist - in addition to the medication - but mostly I found it helpful to get back to my own life and interests. David is right that you need to start your healing process and recovery.

You clearly have a support system and people who are paying attention to what's going on with you and that's a big plus. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better.

Regards JoAnne

Hello Jennie,

Depression is not fun. Glad you went and got some help with the meds. If you are use to having people around and then all of a sudden no one! That is hard to adjust to.

I have went through some of this myself. I try and get out 1 day a week and have lunch with a friend or with Christmas coming I try and take one day and go looking for gifts.

This does not sound like much but where I am it is hard to do. I live in small town and not a big selection of stores & such. It is amazing what you find in a drug store!! Ha ha!

Try and use this time as ME time. Spend time with your mom and do things together. I wish I lived close to my mom so I could do things with her.

Glad that Erik is doing well. Now it is your turn to take care of your self. You have been through a lot as well.

take care,
Diane

Thank goodness for a caring (observant) mother and a doctor who acted promptly! It's really easy to "lose ourselves" in the midst of all this - so busy watching our loved ones and meeting their needs, that weeks can go by before we realize, "yikes, none of my needs are being met!"

So glad you found help -

Jennie,
I hope you are feeling better.
I found myself in a similar situation. When all the hub-bub of Mike's treatment ended on 09/28/06 I thought I'd be rejoicing, dancing, jumping up and down,,,, well I was happy he did so well and glad and proud of him, but there was a wall built up that wouldn't let the relief and rejoice out. Cautiously optimistic was the best I could say. I gradually became moody and extremely emotional over things. The weather too effects me and we have had lots of gloomy, rainy days.
It seemed like I was really falling into a pit. I didn't want to do anything. Didn't care about fixing up my hair, what jewelry to wear, none the normal things that were part of me.
I have a full time job and I think that kept me from getting worse. Although I was just going through the motions, occasionally someone would make me laugh, or something interesting would come up.
It's funny too, it was my Mom as well, that made me start to feel better. She made me just say out loud everything that I would think about. Old stuff from the beginning of treatment, things that troubled me before even if it didn't at present, just everything. I started to feel better after getting all that off my chest.
And guess what? Today Mike got his peg tube out! When the drugs wore off enough for him to stand up, I got to hug him for the first time, belly to belly. It was 4 long months of lean to him hugs so I didn't bump the peg tube. Being able to have a full hug, that wall came down and all the happy and rejoicing finally came out! It came out in sobs and tears and felt so good to feel relief!
Please keep us posted on how you are doing, ok?