Hi...I haven't posted for awhile...my husband and I are caregiving for his 76 year old father who was diagnosed with stage IV base of tongue cancer, 2 node involvement, no distant mets. He just completed 33 rounds of radiation...could not handle the chemo combo of carbo and taxol...this just about killed him. He had 4 of 7 rounds of that. He seemed to do better than I expected with the radiation, but I am frustrated with taking care of him. He is up with a walker, is able to swallow, swallows all his meds and is able to sip water, but refuses to eat anything by mouth. He is alert and oriented, competent, but unless I tell him to take his meds, he won't. He won't do the physical therapy exercises, won't eat snacks. He had a stroke 11 years ago, which has made him have some tremors in his right hand, and refuses to try to do his PEG feedings himself. He'll get scanned at the end of May to see what effect the treatment had...I wish I knew what to expect. I'm feeling resentful of him living with us...our lives revolve around having to give him his tube feedings 3 times a day and hear about his bowel patterns. I'm not sure what I'm asking for...I guess just some support. I take sleeping pills now to help me sleep, my husband is now having to take blood pressure medicine. I don't know how long I can handle this...

Wendy,you need to get some Home Health people in to help you. WHO is his Ins. Co.? Call them and ask if they have a Case Management section. If they do, you will be talking to an RN about his daily care and she can decide to recommend more help for you. You need to tell them he is still in treatment until the cancer is gone. Make sure the Ins. Co. understands that. If doing the above doesn't get you some help, then see if you can find another support person through a local Cancer Society. You need some relief. Amy

Hi Wendy
Amy has given you good advice...you should be able to get a bit more help.
After 33 rounds of radiation his throat is pretty sore and swallowing must be excrutiating for him.

He does need the tube feeding, maybe he is afriad to do it himself.

Often times with older family members advice from outside the family is more valuable to them.
It is too easy for them to tell you no, but they will listen to a stranger.
I nursed my Mum and dad through major illnesses and my father was so focused on his bowels it used to drive me crazy!
You also have to remember he could be getting very constipated from his pain meds... is he taking anything for that?
I am sorry you are having such a rough time with this...it would be stressful no matter which family member you were nursing..it just comes with the territory.

Take care
Marica