Please help! My 71 yr old mother has recently (three weeks) finished radiation for a large(3cmx4cm) tumor under her tongue. On Monday we had a follow up appointment with her RO and I (my mum is pretty passive about all of this, but we did come up with the questions together) asked some very specific questions about the treatment and if had been successful. Here is what he said..."I do still feel a lump under your tongue, which could very well be dead cancer cells, but the question is how hard do we want to look at this? A CAT scan would show the mass, and it's too soon for a PET scan, so the only other option would be a biopsy, but your mouth is still too irrated for that, so let's go with this. We were shooting for a cure, let's hope for a cure. I'll see you in a couple of months and if the mass is shrinking , that's good. If it's gotten bigger, then maybe we have to look a little closer at it. Until then let's just go with the hope that you are cured." What my mother got from that conversation was that she was cancer free! I did not. What I got was let's hope for the best. My mother is feeling as if she has been given a miracle and can't understand why I am not reacting the same way. I don't know what to say. On one hand I understand that what the RO was saying was that she should get on with her life. She can't have an effective PET scan for at least 12 weeks. The problem is that this seems misleading and unfair. My mother (who is not a big doctor person anyway) will be totally unprepared when it is time for a PET scan. I have kept my mouth shut, because I really don't know what to do! Please, I need some advice so badly. What I heard was that we have done the best that we could, now let's see what happens. I don't want to be the one that crushes my Mum's spirit! Please, please help!

Thanks!

Samantha

PS Sorry so long and rambling

Samantha, That's a hard position for you to be in and I agree that the doctor was saying "let's hope for the best".

Not to get too psychological about this, but I suspect that if your mother heard she was cancer free from that statement it's because that's what she really needs to hear right now. You don't know that shes NOT cancer free either--that was the doctor's point--so I'm not sure you need to say anything right now.

It wouldn't surprise me if, when it comes time for a PET, your mother gets more anxious and less sure she's cancer free--most of us do. If it turns out they didn't get all the cancer, this will be crushing news to her no matter how anxious she has been before, I suspect. For now, if she wants to believe she's cancer free and put the worries out of her mind for a while, I'd say more power to her!

Nelie

Dear Nelie,

Thank You! I want my mother to start her long road of recovery with every advantage and I think that you are right... she needed to hear that she is cancer free to put one foot in front of the other. I have to remember that it is about her, not me. Thank you so much.

Samantha

Dear Samantha, how is your Mom doing after the radiation? That's a tough thing for a 71 yr. old to deal with. Your RO is being truthful and hopeful at the same time. It's the best he can do at this point. So hang in there and just take it one day at a time.{Easy to say-tough to do} Best luck, Amy

Dear Amy,

My mum is holding up alright. She was very sick to begin with, and has really come through this better than anyone expected. She has had some pain issues and she is very tired, all the time, but all in all she is feeling pretty good. She is very weak and can only move around an hour at a time...hoping that her stamina will return and she can begin physical therapy & speech therapy soon. She is growing impatient with the feeding tube although she can't even drink water because of the pain! We're hoping that slowly, slowly things will get better. Thank you so much for asking!

Samantha