Hi Friends:

It's been so long! My home computer cookies have crumbled and now that Dave is feeling a bit better hopefully I will be posting again regularly once we solve the problem of why I can't seem to log in from home. Writing from work right now and feeling so glad to get to post!

I've missed you all and have been reading the board daily from home and comprising what I would have posted if I could! In any case, let me catch you up but first:

Packer's Little Girl: Your dad is salt of the earth and one of the bravest and kindest people I know. Welcome!

GNelson-you are close to my heart and my pom poms are raised for you!

Brian, May561, & DIGTEXAS: Thanks for keeping me sane the last few weeks. I'm not sure I would have made it through without you guys.

So, the BIG update: dave finished radiation this past Monday and I'm thinking about bronzing the mask as a modern art piece although DIG's suggestion of the trash sounds good too because I do get the creeps when I look at it although it is symbolic of the process-"putting on the game face" and all of that!

Anyway, 40 treatments later, David is down about 25 lbs, good friends with his buddy PEG and his other pal Ensure Plus and trying really hard to eat and drink a little.The word from the surgeon and the radiation MD ia that he is doing "spectacularly despite feeling like crap" so I guess it's all relative.

Dave has new definitions for mucous that I am sure you can all relate to but overall he is a trooper and I am inspired by his fortitude. The fatigue is beyond explanation and I thank you all for the warning because it would have caught us both off guard if we didn't know it was coming.

So, now we enter the "recovery phase" which I am convinced will be far more emotionally challenging for me as I process just what happened the last few months and where we are at in our lives and relationship now. I am struck by how labile my emotions are and how fragile I feel so I can't even imagine what this has really been like for Dave (and maybe he can't either yet). The speed with which I can feel panic stricken about long term prognosis is overwhelming at times and I am working on the one day at a time approach.

Everything you have all said about post-treatment depression (for all family members) is right on. The reality is that this process is life changing and there is work to be done around the meaning of this experience.

Okay, so I'm waxing philosophical but it's been a long couple of weeks with crumbled cookies (in more way than one) and it feels good to be once again in the company of trusted friends.

TTFN,

Kim

Kim,

Good to hear from you. I just sent you an email since I knew you were having trouble logging on. Please give Dave my best wishes...he is on the downhill side now. Although it's not fast, it's a great place to be. It's so gradual that he may not notice each little thing getting better, but then he'll realize some little thing is easier and want to celebrate.
You guys take care and love each other.
Dinah