Robs biggest anger was that he went through all the agony of surgery and radiotherapy and still wasnt cured.He said many many times that he would never had had any treatment at all and enjoyed being able to eat and have some sort of quality to his life.The only thing that stops most people making such a choice is the survival instinct which is so strong in all of us julie.

liz

I think there is a big difference between:

1. Choosing not to have treatment when it is offered and there is a chance that it could work.

and

2. Choosing not to have treatment when you are told that the chances of a successful outcome are nil to none.

Liz, I can certainly understand how Rob felt after finding out that his treatment was not successful. I assume that he was given some hope that it could work or he would not have decided to go through with it.

We really don't know enough about the poster's father here to really be helpful in any way. We need to know what he was told about staging, treatment options etc.

Jerry

Well quite a quandry.

I agree with Jerry, we don't have enough detail to be at all reliable in our advice and opinion is only that.

As for the money, what is he going to do with it if he has no treatment? This route will most certainly lead to a possibly lengthey time in palliative care which, often times, exceeds the treatment cost by quite a large margin. Spend it now or spend it later.

Selfishness, should not be misinterpreted for concern, love and caring. Get the facts and pass them along to your father don't be pushy be the loving son that brought you here to look for help. You would make any father proud!

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,

Mike

Julie, what do his doctors say? Give us that information so we can help you further. I don't want this thread to get off track and I DO NOT want us to point you in the wrong direction without the facts. Hope to hear from you soon.
Minnie

Thank you everyone for your opinions

I guess i was so upset with my dad cuz he refuses to even go see if he can recieve treatments. It just makes me so upset that he doesnt even wanna see if there is a chance of survival.

I wish paul was about on the boards as his journey through his mums choice to have no treatment was very moving and i am sure he could help.

We have all watched either our loved one or ones self go through the treatment and all the horrid effects. But throught this board we see much more success than failure. Hope is the word to focus on.

David finished treatmetn on 6/22 and the last 3 months have been long and everyday a step forward but the side effects linger. He still has such dryness and sore throat and most of all cannot eat but he is improving. Energy is better. Skin is beatiful. We like to say he got great chemical peel and microabrasion through all this. We try everyday to find the humor and positives.

The cancer is gone according to his RO in his mouth/throat...But the tumor on the right is still large...possibly dead cells but still will probably be removed. He had his first followup pet/CT in August. The left side may still have active node. WE had another CT/Pet the 17th this past monday and will get results on this Monday. The RO told us IF we lose the battle it will be in his neck. He has stated no more radiation. But we have talked that we wait and face the choice once we know exactly again what we are delaing with adn that will be this Monday the 24th. We started this adventue friday April 13th. and we are not doe yet. What we have is the hope and each day. Each day even though everything is not perfect and we do not get the I am survivor shirt yet we keep Hoping we are in the right line.

I'm sorry if anyone misundersttod my post. I was trying to tell the OP to get all the facts from his father as there maybe things he isn't being told. We are talking about a man here.( no offense men) In my experience, its a lot more macho to tell someone its too much money than to tell them its hopeless. Not that that has to be the case but he needs to talk to his dad and find out before trying to pressure him.
My comment about radiation and chemo for terminal cases was also based on my experience. Rich was told there was no hope witout extensive surgury. Then when it was found his heart wouldn't tolerate that he was told he should have radiation and chemo because he would die a very horrible death if he did nothing. When I asked what the radiation and chemo would do to ease it I was told it would just slow the progress of the cancer. I still can't understand that reasoning. Not only would he still have the cancer but the effects of radiation and chemo. How does that make it easier? I never got a reply to that question.

Julie,
I think docs give us the worst scenarios to prepare us, but also don't rule out the fact that miracles DO happen--back to the 'everyone is different, ignore the statistics' bit.
In my case, I was offered the 'palliative' chemo route and given 3 'scenarios'

1.--Good result is it halts the growth/spread.
2.--Best--it shrinks the tumours
3.--Miracle--it makes em go away!

In my case, it has halted the growth, for now, the treatment itself wasn't too horrendous, and it's made me focus on the 'enjoy one day at a time' bit, for which I've been very grateful.

I may be offered radiation to the jaw in the future, if the pain becomes too bad, but that will also be in small doses and palliative.

Please let us know alwyz if/when you have any more information

Brenda

Cookey-I have read the posts that Paul had up about his mom. Thanks tho.

TonsillessinFL-Good luck with everything.

JulieKay- I understand what you mean about finding everything out Before i pressure him. But thats the problem..Once he found out he had it and that it was in stage three, he never went back and wants to act like he doesnt have it. he tries to use the excuse of money for doctors visits..But seems like he doesnt want to face reality.
P.S. Im his daughter..not his son haha

brenfran-Thank you for your input and good luck.

So i think i started this post with the wrong words. I was just really upset about my dad. I guess the real question i wanted to know was that how long do i have left to get to know him. I know nothin about the stages and all that...But without treatment, Whats the estimation of time i have left? Anyone know?
Thanks everyone...