My best friend was just diagnosed with tongue cancer. She is only 46, has a husband and two kids and never smoked. She starts chemo and radiation next week. I have made soups and milkshakes for her. I have listened to her cares and concerns. I have offered to sit with her while she receives her first chemo treatment. What else can I do to help and support her?

Hi Cas,
first off she is lucky to have a friend like you to help her through this. Radiation and chemo are no picnic and it'll be tough sledding for a while. Most people ease into it though - it doesn't happen immediately. Keep a positive attitude - she will need a rock to stand on. If her husband doesn't go with her to Tx or to the doctors visits then go and be a scrupulous note taker. As treatment progresses she'll probably suffer from fatigue and maybe nausea as well. She will also not want to eat because of 2 reasons: first, the radiation does a number on the taste buds (they will fully recover) and secondly, radiation burns and nausea may make eating difficult. Try to stay on top of nutrition and water intake. It is wise to keep a log of medication, food and water consumed. Helping her out around the house and with the kids will be a wonderful gift if she accepts it. Most of us get pretty beat up from the treatment and we survive and get better. This is normal. You may want to consider finding a caregiver support group to talk out any fears or concerns. Bear in mind that she may be angry, sad, depressed, fearful, forgetful, fatigued, and maybe even abusive at times - don't take it personally -she doesn't mean it and will be eternally in your debt. We are always here for you also...

Welcome to the Oral Cancer Foundation Cas.
As Gary mentioned it is so importamt of a role being a caregiver. There's a special plsce in Heven for them. I don't want to repeat what Gary has aready posted. I can offer you and your best fried my best wishes for a healthy recovery.

What stage is her cancer and why no surgery? Also where is her cancer prinary. What type of radiation is she having,1) IMT, 2) Field radiation?

Again welcome and keep us posted as she hits the bumps in the road,

Dan

Hi Cas,

Welcome and I'm sorry you have to be here on your friend's behalf. It's the club nobody wants to belong to but we are a caring group and are pulling for your friend to get through this rough journey. I didn't have a caretaker, per se, as my husband passed away suddenly just 9 days after my diagnosis but one thing I do know, if I had had a primary caregiver, is to just have somebody by my side, in my corner, holding my hand and reassuring me that I can get through this too. You are a very special person and friend to have. I think Gary really touched all the bases about what to expect and what you might be able to do for your friend. The journey is a long and rough road but I know you both can pull through this just like the rest of us on the OCF.

Again, welcome and keep us posted as your friend's treatments progress.

Nancy

Hi Cas,
you're friend is so lucky to have you at her side. Just be there for her. I'll say a prayer for you both.
Mary Lee

Cas,

I'm sorry you and your friend are having to face this, but you'll find a great deal of support and helpful information on this site.

I can't add a whole lot to what's been listed above, but I would emphasize that the effects of radiation can sneak up on you. When I was going through it, I was warned about many of the unpleasant aspects to watch for, and when I got through the first 2-3 weeks feeling pretty well I thought the whole thing was overblown. It was shortly after that that I felt like I hit a wall with the burning sensation in my mouth, severe dry mouth problems, and tendency to develop infections. So you may notice some sudden changes in your friend's responses depending on how her system reacts to the treatment.

Is she being treated at a major cancer center?

Cathy

Hi Cas
Just tell her you are there for her 24/7.. I couldn't have got this far without my friend's support..
sunshine... love and hugs
Helen

Hi Cas,

Welcome to our community. Sort of like the good news/bad news of life. Good news you have found a place where your questions will be answered or directed towards an answer with your friend's health care needs. Bad news because you had to find such a place. Your friend is so fortunate to have such a friend, indeed. I can feel your compassion and love through your concern.

Everyone else has already given you great direction but I want to add that this journey will also take it's toll on you, too. Be sure and take some time for yourself whenever you can. Keeping recharged will help your friend immensely, not to mention what the lack of it will do to you. We all appreciate the important role you are taking on. Hats off to you for being there. We are all here for you when you need it. May God continue to bless you and your friend.

Ed

CAS: Welcome. Sorry you have to be here. Your friend is in for a rough road, so try to support her as much as possible. Everyone else has said most all there is to say at this time, just like to add a couple of things. We will all be praying for your friend, her family and you and your family. Prayer works. Also, your friend might want to investigate a feeding tube, called a "peg" by the Dr's., as she may get to the point that eating food, drinking water, or anything going down her throat may not be possible. Many of us have used them and they are a life saver, literally, in my opinion. Some have gotten by without, but I highly recommend the use of a peg to keep her energy up while undergoing radiation/chemo.