I think my own issues with recovery and the long term after effects of treatment, in comparison to my life before cancer are still difficult. And I have talked with others who share those same difficulties, which has given me comfort in learning about how they have dealt with them, and what the future might hold for me. Each issue is, (at the time), a significant problem to be overcome.

But this is all about semantics and not that we feel differently from each other, because we do not. I merely stated that given the range of problems from death, disfigurement, to emotional fear, to dry mouth, it is important to keep things in perspective. Some of these border on the horrible or intolerable, some are inconveniences in the bigger picture. In maintaining perspective everyone realizes that things could be worse, no matter where they fall on the ladder of post treatment issues. I know that the days of excess mucous production are horrible, I know that the mouth sores are painful, I know that the dry mouth is a pain in the ass. All I said was that we should all be thankful that we made it to go on. I am not suggesting that those with, what in the long term turn out to be minor issues, shouldn

Hi Brian good post, I was not giving you the devil, I was giving you praise. No one comes here very long and does not know you would not like to shake each and every one one of us till everything was back the way it was before Cancer.You are a good man with a big heart. In Pennsylvania thats as plain as it gets.

Good Evening...

Just reading everyone's stories about there situation. I have been asking why since my sister got this terrible illness. Like I said once before, this is the worst thing that I ever had to see someone go through...and it happens to be my sister. My sister! Ok, cancer...but, Head and neck cancer! It SUCKS! What she and others are going through. Why must they be tortured this way. Why the no talking, the no eating. The goo coming out from everywhere on her neck. Her mouth, she drools. I can't even believe my own eyes! Some days is more difficult then others. You feel selfish that you are able to talk and eat and try do be somewhat normal, but the guilt and the worrying that you feel for my sister is bigger then life itself. It is exhausting...how is she doing this?...she has two children that need her so much to be a part of their life, but instead she is in the bathroom cleaning her wound on her neck! Will it ever heal? That's what I want to know. She is swollen one day and the next a little better, then back again, will that ever go away? Will the tumor ever go away and stay away? will she talk again? I miss her voice, her singing, us laughing together... will she be able to enjoy something to eat ever again? No answers... Who knew this was coming, who knew. What a cross to carry. We will always remain close and positive no matter what. We continue to hope that tomorrow will be a better day for Linda and for all...God Bless...Life and Hope go hand and hand...We have to believe...we have to...that is all we have...Take Care XoX Flo

Perhaps dealing with oral cancer is harder to go through emotionally for a caregiver than it is for us, the ones stricken by this dastardly disease. I, for one, have never asked the question " why?" or " why me?". Although others have felt sorry for me I have never felt sorry for myself. Maybe it is just easier to deal with emotionally this way, or maybe having a serious disease just puts one in this frame of mind, less worried than those who love us.

Danny G.

Hi Flo, I understand how you feel at present when seeing your dear sister suffer so much. Head and neck cancers can be bad but I think not the worst (when compared with lung or liver) as you can see a lot of stage 4 patients here have survived the battle. Most of us have undergone the process of no eating, no talking and wounds around the neck, etc. Do have faith that things will turn better gradually and slowly.Don't be pessimistic. What you can do now for your sister is to remain positive and give her full support and encouragement and share with her some of the success stories of people on this forum. E-mail me direct if you want to hear more about my experience. Take good care.

Karen stage 4 tonsil cancer diagnosed in 9/01.

Thanks Danny and Karen!

I feel better after reading your messages to me. Some days are better then others, I was at a low last night. I'm sorry, if I was negative. It really can get the best of me at times. Thanks again. I emailed you both...hope to hear from you soon ...Take Care XoX Flo

Hi, Flo try not to think about what if, or what is, but what will and can be. I had a drippy ycky chin area, my tongue had goobers on it, and drool everywhere. I came home from the hospital and my children were all home for Thanksgiving. My Doctor came up with Montgomery bandage thing to be put on my chin to catch all the nasty stuff. The residents could not make it stay on , nor the nurses so they send me home for my poor family to try. I remember being propped up in bed and my whole family on their knees around the bed trying to make this thing, it would fall off after any moisture got on it and they would do it all over again. It is one of the warmest memorys I have of my ordeal, how they loved me enough to go to such lengths to make me comfortable.They all say do you remember that awful Montgomery bandage Mom had to wear? Even if I would not have made it my family being there and encourageing me was a beautiful gift from the heart.